:: Jamie and Suzanne Go To Russia At Last ::

T-ball

2007-03-29T21:10:00.000-07:00

The kids had their first t-ball turn-out today which was lots of fun. Dandy has a good arm and hits the ball well. The most exciting thing of the day was, however, the fact that My Gift is off turn-around and was home early. He is reading books to the kiddos as I type. It is so lovely to have another grown-up in the home.

A girl's first chainsaw

2007-03-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

no, not Juliana, me.

Jamie's Christmas present was a pruning service as we had many trees that were out-of-control. I saved money by arranging it such that the pruners did all the cutting and we would do all the clean-up. So now my yards, front and back, are covered with large branches for which I bought myself a Black & Decker Alligator; it's marvelous.

I cut it and the kids haul it away. It's way more fun than dusting.

Reading!

2007-03-26T12:14:00.000-07:00

"The pig sat in the mud" thus readeth Andy, home six months. He can also (slowly) make his way unassisted through Hop on Pop!

Re-Run Links

2007-03-22T18:33:00.000-07:00

I'm re-posting two links to sites that helped me with my wild boy for Lisa who seems to have brought home a wild one of her own. These boys will wear us out, yes, but they will be very interesting grown-ups.

Staking Tomatoes
Calming Your Wild Child

t-ball

2007-03-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to focus on happier days ahead -- ones in which we get to leave the house and do normal-people things.

My calendar tells me that t-ball practice starts in two weeks. I have NO experience with anything remotely resembling athletic endeavor, so I need your help. What exactly do I need to outfit two little people for t-ball?

On which hand do they wear the glove? their dominant hand I presume? (yes, I was a nerd in school - last one picked etc.)

edited to add that we have a T and a ball and a bat and one glove.
Elle told me I need cleats. When I ebay cleats I get soccer cleats; are they the same?
When I google gloves I get inch measurements. How do I figure out the right size?
They will get team t-shirts. Do they need special pants?

edited once again to share this cool T-Ball coloring book pdf that I found.

ARRRGGGHGHHHHHH

2007-03-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

okay, so Andy has the flu - the one with vomiting and diarrhea and a cough that keeps him up all night. Only he doesn't know barfing etiquette and runs upstairs for the sink (!), dribbling up the stairs and down the hall and so on, passing FOUR empty plastic wastebaskets as he goes. He then pukes in the sink.

and

I am sick (fever, achy muscles, fatigue, headache), too sick to properly care for him, too sick to be cleaning up all the pukey bits, though I do

and

my husband is dog-tired from 5 weeks of working 12-14 hour days -- no days off -- and is generally only home between 8:00 pm and 6:00 am, on good days. When he is home he needs to be fed and put to bed, but that isn't an option right now.

and

then the fun starts.

First, Juliana finds the little glass on the window sill and spills it. You know, the little glass with an inch of red wine left in it on the window sill right under the silk burlap curtains and next to the beige-ish couch.

Then, while stuffing the couch covers in the wash (whilst almost passing out, as I am too sick to be doing this) every yellow-jacket in the neighborhood comes to help me. So there I am swatting at yellow-jackets and I do confess, naughty words were escaping my lips.

THEN our dear old dog drops a puddle of pee in the middle of the wool rug and, as we rush her to the front door, she dribbles all the way. She did not even seem aware of it, or she would have been mortified.

Barf, Red Wine, and Dog Pee all in one day. What did I do? Annoy the Stain-Gremlins?

Legs

2007-03-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

A couple of autumns ago, Jamie greeted me at the front door saying, "I had to rescue a little puppy." I think, "Puppy! Cute! Furry! Cuddly!" Then I noticed the smell, the rotten garbage smell.

"What's that smell?"
"The puppy."

He had brought home a puppy nigh unto death, full of parasites and scabies (the stench) and with completely round legs from malnutrition.

Because the scabies commanded so much of our attention (quarantine from other house-pets, stinky-stinky etc.), I had rather forgotten about the funky legs until Juliana zeroed in on them while looking at old pictures.

How are Laurel's legs now? Perfectly straight.

Why is this relevant? Laurel is not the only one who joined our family with bent leg bones due to early childhood lack of nutrition.

Edited to add that scabies are not always stinky, but in Laurel's case, they had done so much damage that her skin had started to die, hence the stench.

Our home away from home

2007-03-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

Just got this link for the MarKuel, our first home with our children in Russia.

What's up with me?

2007-03-03T10:20:00.000-08:00

I read Cloudscome's blog; she posts about worthy things - world concerns, quality children's literature, poetry. I post about fluffy little girl's clothes. This has been bothering me. What happened to the old me that cared about the outside world?

My analysis is that the outside world is rather bleak and sleety and whenever I go into it I walk the zombie-lined halls of a nursing home and I'm just not up to it. On the other hand, sweet little girl's dresses speak of spring, sunshine, happy play-filled afternoons, a bright giggle-filled future. I've decided that I'm not shallow, I'm just over-whelmed.

So, on that note:

Sweet Potatoes & Hanna Andersson

and more

2007-03-02T14:45:00.000-08:00

Hanna Andersson

E-bay Therapy: Thera-bay?

2007-03-01T09:35:00.000-08:00

okay, so I do admit I'm in a rough patch right now. Chocolate consumption is up and the on-line shopping has commenced. Here is my fav:

Stride Rite Munchkin

Sneaky Mom

2007-02-23T12:01:00.000-08:00

Andy is trying to learn to read and he is very impatient with the phonics. La-Le-Li-Lo-Lu: he could not care less. He gives up easily and is not interested. Juliana, on the other hand, is very keen on reading.

Sneaky and devious mom that I am, I told them they could watch VeggieTales as soon as Juliana learns five flashcards. Andy is in there industriously teaching her La-Le-Li-Lo-Lu. I am doing my work and snickering up my sleeve.

Hard Questions

2007-02-21T11:24:00.000-08:00

She sings all the time. This morning's song:

I love my mama.
Yes I do.
I love my mama.
Yes I do.

My Ruskie mama.
No I eat.
My Ruskie mama.
No I eat.

I love my mama.
Eat. Eat. Eat.
I love my mama.
Eat. Eat. Eat.

My mama loves me.
Eat. Eat. Eat.
My mama loves me.
Eat. Eat. Eat.

My Ruskie mama . . .

The song stops. A small voice asks, "Mama, did Ruskie Mama love me?"
"Yes."
"Why no I eat?"

better living through chemistry

2007-02-19T13:36:00.000-08:00

I didn't get to follow through with my dance class as Jamie started working pre-turn-around overtime every Thursday night. I don't know the real reason why a refinery shut-down is called a turn-around; we've always thought it's because the workers drive home and then turn-around and go back to work, which is certainly what he did last night: home a 11 and back to work at 7 am. Anyway, my plan to maintain (regain?) mental health with an hour of stretching and pretty music fell through, so I went the chemical route. Lexapro.

I tend to get murky and unhappy during the long dreary soggy winters we have (who wouldn't?), so I have used anti-depressants a few other years and they always made me pudgy. So this time I bought a digital scale to help keep pudginess at bay. I was quickly losing the right to call it pudge and was about to have to use the F word; you know, the one that rhymes with hat. Since Lexapro I've lost 15 pounds! Add that to the 10 I lost sitting vigil in December with Dad and I am nearing my target weight/size. Now if that doesn't cheer a girl up, what will?

In addition, my lovely mother-in-law has come up for the long weekend (Jamie is in full turn-around now, 12-14 hrs a day for months). It is so nice to have another grown-up in the house so that each kid always has somebody. Today she and Juliana went out to lunch and shopping. Poor Andy has a nasty flu. On Sunday he went to his first American birthday party and came home all elated and happy and later all feverish and ill. He is in bed. For every time he sleeps he gets a Veggie-Tale movie when he wakes up. I took him a breakfast tray of juice and tea in a little pot and a bunnykins mug and a little flower in a little vase. Andy about melted. Juliana was sick last week and she just got better. I wonder if we will ever all be well at once.

Andy is doing very well at his new school. He goes five afternoons a week. It is a really good fit and I am very pleased with the attention and instruction he receives there. His teacher is top-notch and the principal is a lovely example of firm and friendly. Andy is very fond of both of them.

Remember in early Feb when I posted that I had been sick for awhile? I still haven't gotten my voice back. I whisper and croak and am generally inaudible. So, if you are a face-to-face friend feeling sad or neglected cause I never call (not that I ever did anyway), do know that I am living a forced phone-free life right now. The kids and I are learning sign language so that we can get by. I'm not joking about this. We have yes, no, kleenex, kitty, dog, more, ouch, food/eat, I love you, telephone, and so on.

Ketchup and Peanut Butter have saved my sanity.

2007-02-09T12:30:00.000-08:00

Because the discipline in the children’s previous life was so harsh, it has been quite a challenge to come up with strategies that are motivating to the children.

Little chair?
No sweat.

Swat?
No biggie.

Loss of toys?
Oh well.

Spoonful of ketchup?
Oh NO! Anything but that!

About two weeks ago Andy appeared to have decided that there was nothing that we would throw at him that he could not handle, and all sorts of mischief ensued. The most startling was persistent and dramatic chewing-with-mouth-wide open. He never used to do this and was now doing it all the time. We would remind him and he would say okay and then do it again the very next bite. It was looking deliberate. Then ketchup occurred to me.

“Andy, would you like a spoonful of ketchup?”
“No, thank you! Ick!”
“Next time I see your food as you chew, I’ll bring you a spoonful.”
(mouth snaps shut for chewing and remains closed)

For Juliana, peanut butter does the same job. I have a friend who uses vinegar.

This morning I saw Andy lift his arm to hit his sister and then stop.
“Andy, what helped you remember to not hit?”
“I don’t want ketchup.”

So, Andy and I were driving in to see my Dad the other day and we were talking about the ketchup and how good it has been at helping Andy remember. He wanted to know if Grandpa knew about the ketchup. Yes. Andy did not like this. He fussed about it quite a bit.

“I’m angry you told Grandpa my secrets.” he said.
“Are you angry that I told him about the ketchup? Or that I told him that you had not-nice behavior?”
“Not-nice behavior.”
“Are you afraid that Grandpa won’t like you if he knows about your not-nice behavior?”
“Yes.”

I pull the car over.

“Andy, this is what is so cool about having a family. Families can know all your nice parts and all your not nice parts and still love you. Grandpa knows all my nice parts and all my not nice parts and he still loves me. That’s what families do. It’s really lovely.”
“Oh.”
“That’s what Jesus does too. He loves us even though we have nice parts and not nice parts. He’s part of our family.”
“Oh”
“Did you know that families love that way?”
“No”
“So Grandpa can know about your good days and about your bad days and he just loves you big time.”
(quiet)
“What do you think?”
“It’s okay to tell Grandpa.”

bits and pieces of an over-saturated life

2007-02-04T19:11:00.000-08:00

in no particular order . . .
* Andy starts his new school tomorrow. We are enrolling him in the private school I attended, known for its vigilent approach to character issues such as respect and obey.
* Jamie starts a turn-around next week. This is when a refinery is shut-down for maintenance and work is carried on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for several months. Jamie will be working 14 hour shifts, as he is the supervisor and has to overlap the crews that work mere 12 hour shifts. He gets a mandatory day off on the 52nd consecutive work day. So, I'll be pretty much parenting solo.
* I've been sick for over a week which means I can't go see my Dad which is a sorrow for me. Dad is, reportedly, much better.
* We have a new dog, Bear, who is staying with us while Dad gets better. He is a sweet dog and fits in nicely with our other dogs and has even learned to not chase the kitties. He regularly breaks into the goat corral where Betsy, the bearded lady goat, roundly trounces him.
* The lovely week of sunshine has come to an end and the more typical grey dreary bitterly cold days have returned.
* We are filing our post-placement reports and getting ready to start the Washington State readoption process. The sole reason for doing this is getting Washington birth certificates for the kids. In the event that they ever need to get a copy of their birth certificate, it is much easier to do this locally than to apply to Russia for one.

Kitty Treats

2007-01-23T21:37:00.000-08:00

The kids recently told me that when they first got to our house they snuck pieces of kitty food and ate it. They apparently ran to the bathroom to spit it out. In the first few days they didn't see the kitties at all, so the little bowls of food around the house had looked like people-snacks to them. Blech.

Mupponauts

2007-01-19T17:16:00.000-08:00

I've discovered that DVDs and laptops are the best thing ever if, for example, you need to take your children with you to your staff meeting or to your father's nursing home. Whilst watching Muppets in Space yesterday, Andy was surprised to hear Russian spoken. The English-speaking muppets go to space to find that some other muppets are already there. And what language do these other first-in-space mupponauts speak? Russian of course.

Fifth Disease

2007-01-14T16:57:00.001-08:00

My heavens, there is so much that a Mama needs to know. This week I learned about the Fifth Disease, a common rash of childhood that Andy has brought to our attention. He is not ill, in that he feels fine and is not running a fever, but the rash on his face is not cute.

Adventures Digest

2007-01-08T23:17:00.000-08:00

the very condensed version of our lives

Jamie came through his medical procedure that I am not allowed to blog about just fine.
Juliana started her "Gotta Sing, Gotta Dance" class and was the happiest little pink dance-class girl ever.
Andy and Juliana got to spend the night over the weekend at their cousins. They had a blast and stayed up far too late. I can't scold, as this is exactly what I did with these cousins' mama when we were little girls.
I've joined a Non-Performing Ballet class for grown-ups. This is part of my preemptive mental health plan. Dad's accident + Seasonal Affective Disorder + Jamie's Unmentionable Medical Concern + The Practical Reality of Two New Kids = Risk of Depression, so I am trying to get ahead of it before it gets ahead of me.

Mr. or Mrs. or Miss 40,000

2007-01-05T19:59:00.000-08:00

Sometime in the near future, we will hit 40,000. If you are the one that clicks us over the top, please comment and let us know who you are and something interesting or amusing about you.

New Year, New Name

2007-01-04T22:28:00.000-08:00

and that's all I have to say: too busy having adventures to blog about them.

and more on the candy theme

2006-12-30T21:56:00.000-08:00

Just to clarify, and in response to a few emails and comments:

I started out moving the candy from their bags into a little pile for me, but they decided that I was really just interested in acquiring their candy for personal gain, so I rerouted it into the bag of the sibling.

Prior to the candy incentive, Juliana would 'help' by reminding him, which really didn't help, as it was just another external monitor. Under the new deal, she has a selfish reason to not help him, which, in the long run, actually helps him. He has so radically upped his ability to self-monitor, that he actually loses very few pieces to his sis. She has lost about the same number to him (fingers-in-plate is her pet foible), so it evens out.

I do appreciate your cautions about setting them against each other and I move very carefully in this regard.

The New Deal

2006-12-28T20:21:00.000-08:00

So, I know I may be a bit stricter than most, but it is really important to me that our children have decent table manners. Their previous care-giver felt the same apparently, as the children tell us that she constantly reminded them to hold their forks nicely. Well, I am tired of constantly reminding and would like for the kids to remember this -- and a few other things (swallow before talking, keep your fingers out of your plate) -- on their own.

Christmas brought us a lot of candy which has been stashed into labeled ziplock bags and dispensed in wee portions. The bags have joined us at the table and are wonderful. Each time someone slips in one of the three key areas, one of their pieces of candy leaves their bag and arrives in their sibling's bag. It is amazing. Andy used to need umpteen fork reminders per meal; tonight he needed none.

I think that helping Andy build an internal monitor of behavior is one of the hardest parts. He has before never needed internal control, as his previous environment provided plenty of external control. He frankly states that he shouldn't have to remember things as that is my job to remind him. When candy is on the line, however, he gets motivated.

Found Gum

2006-12-24T02:36:00.000-08:00

(this is an old post that somehow got saved as a draft rather than actually posted. I'll post it now as I have nothing else to say on this blog. All my energies are with my Dad right now.)

Someone with whom I share a home, the same someone that I usually call my Gift From a Generous God, does have one flaw. He chews gum. I hate gum. I hate finding it in the washer and even more hate finding it in the dryer. I hate finding it on the furniture and I hate finding it on our shoes. I really hate finding it in our son's mouth when I know darn well that no-one has given our son a stick of gum, but that instead he has found it somewhere.

At least I know that today's gum had only been in my hubby's mouth prior to Andy's; unlike the time in the Moscow airport when we both realized that he was chewing, and we had not given. EWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

a DIY kind of gal

2006-12-20T14:11:00.000-08:00

Juliana got tired of waiting for me to trim her bangs, so she did it herself. About a quarter inch long.

Dad

2006-12-19T12:44:00.000-08:00

Thank you all so much for your kind words regarding Dad. I'm going to ask that, if you don't know us face-to-face, you comment only on this blog, as I print the other blog for Dad and it's so confusing to him when I try to explain my e-friends. So we'll treat this a place for messages for Suzanne and the other blog as a place for messages for Dad and Mom and family. Does that work?

He lives. His blood pressure was 50/33 and his core temp 80 degrees. Both of these are indicators of imminent death, yet Dad lives. He is indeed paralyzed, but other than that (and the 8 broken ribs) has no major health issues and is quite strong for a 71 year old. Last night the rehab doc assured him, that other than using a chair and having a rather complicated way of handling waste products, he'll be able to live a relatively normal life: go to church, go to grandkids' sporting events, do many of the things he loves to do. He won't, however, be cutting his own firewood anymore.

related posts: Hard News & What Happened?

Happy for you . . .

2006-12-14T10:24:00.000-08:00

We've been working on finding something more pleasant to say when someone gets something we want and we get nothing. We've ruled out saying "ME ME ME ME" and "I want one! I want one!" and decided that saying "I'm happy for you," would be nice. Jamie and I have been role-playing this and the kids have been practicing it in silly ways.

This morning, Juliana showed Andy the very cool mini-flashlight that she acquired yesterday during her big day in Seattle. You have to know that for Andy-The-Gizmo-Kid, there is nothing more attractive than an item that has both buttons and lights. With shaking voice he looked at it and said, "I'm happy for you Juliana." Then he burst into tears.

I'm so proud of him! I buried him in hugs and told him what a good boy he was.

In the orphanage they didn't give things to children unless they had one for everyone, or if it was a shared item. The idea of one child having a private possession and the other child not having is a big new concept. We are so pleased that they are accepting it.

Yesterday we went to Children's to see a doctor who said that Juliana was tiny. We are seeing a series of specialists who are all ruling out bad things, so it is rather good that all the doc has to say is that she is very small. We don't want the doc coming into say that she has some really interesting and unusual condition. But still, driving all that way to hear that she is little seems a bit unproductive.

My mom went with us and we redeemed the drive by going to Bellevue. We stopped in to visit my Father-in-law at work who was very pleased to see us. Then we went to the mall and rode the glass elevator up and down and waved at all the giant snowman and gasped at the flying reindeer and visited the LUSH store. We tried very hard to visit Trader Joe's, but after an hour of driving (slow progress due to street-lights being out), we got there only to find them without power and closed. They couldn't sell anything, as neither their tills nor fridges were working, but they did have a little generator going to keep the lights on; they kindly let us in so that Juliana could use the bathroom. At long last, I finally got into a Trader Joe's, I just didn't get to buy anything.

So that is all the news. Part of my long lull in posting was a case of the blues brought on by the return of Holly's cancer. Surgery is on Friday.

obligatory post

2006-12-12T20:56:00.000-08:00

Not much I can report. We are all fine. I'll post more when I'm feeling articulate and interesting.

Trees and More

2006-12-05T21:57:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday we went and got our tree at our favorite tiny little tree farm in the foothills. On Sunday, we decorated the tree with all the wooden and cloth kid-friendly ornaments I have been acquiring for years. Andy and Juliana loved decorating the tree and have added 'make the house pretty' to their daily list of that for which they are thankful.

We don't currently have a working audio system in the house (long story) so we were decorating without music. This seems just wrong and I commented upon it. Juliana then started singing "Jesus loves me". What better music could I wish for?

Mrs. Mama School is very popular. Kate asked if we are doing this long-term. We will be more home-school than public school until we are quite sure attachment is solid.

We did the letter "B" last week:

"Ball. Banana. Bunnies. Bread. Breakfast. Baby." I said.
"Mama doesn't like babies," Andy replied.
"Yes I do! Why do you think that?"
"Why did you give me to the detskydom (orphanage)?"

All this time he has thought I parked him there for six years because I didn't like babies. The amazing thing is that he 'welcomed me back' with open arms and heart. After I explained that I was a new Mama on the scene he said it was very sad that we had had to wait so long. "I needed you," he said. "I was a sad baby. I needed you no bolshoy padashdi (big wait)."

I'm sure the school can do a more efficient job of teaching him his letters, but if I let them do it all, I'd miss conversations like that one.

God's Grandeur

2006-12-04T21:51:00.000-08:00


THE WORLD is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;	5
And all is seared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man’s smudge and shares man’s smell: the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel, being shod.

And for all this, nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;	10
And though the last lights off the black West went
Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs—
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844–89). Poems. 1918.

Singing Children

2006-12-02T17:05:00.000-08:00

If you are familiar with LeapPad's alphabet video, you'll know the tune to these lyrics, slightly modified by Andy and Juliana:

The Mama says Obey.
The Mama says Obey.
Everybody makes a sound.
The Mama says Obey.

The Papa says Obey.
The Papa says Obey.
Everybody makes a sound.
The Papa says Obey.

The Detsky say Okay.
The Detsky say Okay.
Everybody makes a sound.
The Detsky say Okay.

Mrs. Mama

2006-11-30T14:44:00.000-08:00

We did a trial run of home-school today (alphabet song, day of week, and the number zero). The children decided that since they call their school teachers Mrs. SoAndSo they should do the same with me. I was Mrs. Mama all morning.

EWwwwww

2006-11-30T09:50:00.000-08:00

We really like it that our cats are mousers. Living in a 1924 farm cottage in open acerage in a cold spell as we are, we are bound to have a mouse in the house, or maybe two or three. So we do appreciate the cats' diligence and we have even come to accept that they will play with their prey. We do wish they wouldn't do so on our bed. While we are still in the bed. Sleeping.

Nifty resource

2006-11-29T21:48:00.000-08:00

In the birthday report, I shared that we purchased a book titled Annie and the Wild Animals. I bought it because I loved the illustrations. Tonight, while searching for some flashcards and coloring sheets to help Juliana with her numbers, I found that the illustrator, Jan Brett, graciously shares her artwork on-line. You can find days of the week coloring sheets, numbers trace alongs, the whole alphabet to color and trace and a lot more.

If you are home-schooling, you want these. Even if you are not home-schooling, these are a delightful way to augment whatever is happening at preschool or kindergarten.

We are officially starting to homeschool on Friday, December 1. We'll start opening the advent calendar and do everything around the number 1 and the letter A on Friday. I just can't resist matching the curriculum to the calendar.

Snow Report

2006-11-29T10:57:00.000-08:00

Well the neighborhood is no longer trapped by drifts and Jamie was able to go to work today. We very much enjoyed him being home with us yesterday. The wind blew hard all day and kept us indoors so we amused ourselves by watching bully trucks get stuck in the drifts in front of our house. One truck off-loaded its passengers into our living room while they worked to get unstuck. Imagine our surprise when our unexpected guests spoke Russian! The family immigrated years ago and the children speak English at school and Russian at home. From them I was able to add to my vocabulary the Russian words for "tell the truth" and "don't lie". Very handy words.

My laundry room is a balmy 40 degrees Fahrenheit today, up from the 18 degrees F yesterday.

updated to add that it is snowing again and we are expecting another six inches. Eeeps.

How Snowy Is It?

2006-11-27T10:51:00.000-08:00

It's this snowy:

(all you Alaskans can snicker; for us this is a big deal.)

It is so cold in my laundry room that the clothes I left overnight in the washer were frozen. The pipes, however, are not. Yet.

Snow

2006-11-26T09:21:00.000-08:00

We don't always get snow in the winter, and sometime it is just a thin sheet of sloshy stuff, but today we awoke to a nice thick coating of crunchy snow, the sort that makes snowmen and snowballs.

a word to the wise . . .

2006-11-24T22:34:00.001-08:00

Okay, so if you are in a restaurant and they bring you clam chowder and you think," hmmm, it's yummy, but something is wrong here", pursue that thought! Don't let yourself get distracted with portioning out the children's plates or with the conversation at hand. Stop and ask yourself, "what is wrong?" You will then have a chance of noticing that it is clam chowder at room temperature and then your Master Food Preserver and Safety Advisor training will kick in and inform you that a dairy and seafood dish must be kept piping hot for food safety reasons. Once you realize this, you will refrain from eating the soup and save yourself from hours of misery. Trust me on this; I learned it the hard way.

Thanksgiving

2006-11-24T12:05:00.000-08:00

Late last month I commented to my sister that I wasn't even sure we could do Thanksgiving as the children were so wild and Andy's hands were so busy touching everything he saw. I imagined a stress-filled day full of jumpy parents and lots of discipline. Wrong again!

We had a lovely dinner at my Mom and Dad's. We ate off of china on a nice tablecloth. The real silverwear and glasses were used. Andy said grace, thanking God for each and every family member. The children used nice table manners. After dinner they played with their cousins (young adults) and enjoyed the crafty project Aunt Christy and Uncle Grape had brought. On the few times we had to remind them of some boundaries (inside voices), they complied. Other than the fact that my brother was away working and I missed him dreadfully, it was a perfect day.

On the way home we dropped by my Aunt and Uncles where we got to see many of my cousins and their children. I thought we would be able to stay only a little while as my children were tired and already over-stimulated. We ended up staying a couple of hours as the children played nicely with their second cousins, obeyed nicely, and were obviously enjoying the visit greatly. At one point Juliana came running over to me to say "I'm happy." She came back to say "fun fun." On the way home Andy thanked me for "horashow egratz with detsky" (good play with children).

While we were there, one of my cousins called his three children to him. They "hurry-hurry-obeyed" (as we call it) and they all put their hands together in the middle of their circle. Andy watched, transfixed. The papa told the children that they would be leaving in ten minutes and reminded them to tidy up and then to say goodbye to their aunts and uncles and grandparents. The children obeyed. Andy was so impressed; he talked about it all the way home. I think he found it reassuring that other familes follow the same pattern of children obeying parents.

The children were also quite impressed that all these new people were also their family. "Bolshoy family" they exclaimed. Yes, they have a huge family including lots of cousins their ages with which to play. We have so much to be thankful for.

Go-to-Sleep-Seeing

2006-11-22T17:36:00.000-08:00

What is a Go-to-Sleep-Seeing, you may ask. It what you see when you go to sleep. We might call it a dream. I love the creative logic of it. It is so fun to watch my children sort out the language.

Has anyone noticed that scary go-to-sleep-seeing seem to happen during spates of leg cramps? Andy has been getting both recently. I think the leg cramps disturb his sleep cycles which open the door to bad dreams. Just my theory.

Stuck in the Truck

2006-11-22T13:15:00.000-08:00

In our backyard sits this old red truck which is off-limits to children because the door handles don't work from the inside. Children who disobey are likely to get stuck in the truck. At first they will not mind this, as it is fun to play with the steering wheel and the knobs and buttons. Of course, after awhile, they will want to get out and cannot. There they will sit until Mom comes and a) catches them red-handed and b) reminds them that their good Papa forbade playing in the truck and c) discusses why they think Papa forbade this ("door no open" the children say) and d) sets the timer where the children can see it as they serve their "naughty chair" time in the truck.

After they were freed we had lunch. Andy said grace and added a line to the usual litany. "Thank you for no more truck."

Oh how I love natural consequences.

more lovin'

2006-11-21T09:41:00.000-08:00

We are gaining daily. Now when we get to the part about Babushkas and Dedushkas loving her, she will say "Kapecho" (a tiny bit).

We went to Children's Hospital yesterday; my mom came with us to help with the driving as I am so sleep-deprived due to coughing (yeah Mom!). Anyway, we were able to see the x-rays of her legs. You can actually see the bone starting to grow on the inside of curves. The medical team there is very hopeful that her legs will straighten without surgical intervention. We'll be back down there next month for another check-in. It's a lovely hospital; very patient-friendly with easy parking and pleasant spaces.

Across the street from Children's is a very nice shopping center, the sort that I browse but don't purchase from. Mom and I and Juliana had lunch at a white-table-cloth Italian restaurant. We had a really nice time; Mom and I got to visit and Juliana didn't disturb the other diners while she ate all her lunch, thus qualifying for ice cream. It was really lovely. If you had asked me two months ago if I would be able to take do this, I would have said "Maybe in a year". It's nice to be wrong.

Who loves you?

2006-11-19T11:19:00.000-08:00

We are enjoying great progress with Juliana recently. She has started to approach me and ask "Please Mama hug." She backed into my mom the other day for a snuggle. She crawled up onto her napping Papa twice for snuggles. None of these last for long, but we are so pleased that she is initiating. She is also better able to give hugs and snuggles when asked, though they are quite brief as she is clearly mistrustful of affection and love.

But it gets better. I've long been asking "who loves Juliana?" and her answer is always "nyeto (no-one)" Then I go through the long list of family members who love her and ignore her disclaimers. Yesterday it went like this.

Mama: Who loves Juliana?
Juliana: Nyeto
M: Mama loves Juliana.
J: Da (yes), Mama loves Juliana. (!)
M: Papa loves Juliana.
J: Da (yes), Papa loves Juliana. (!!)
M: Dedushka loves Juliana.
J: Nyet (No).
and so on . . .

but she has gone from zero to two! That is a lot!

This morning Jamie and the children are at church. I spent the night in the chair trying to sleep. When I lie down I start choking and coughing. I stayed home to rest. Jamie was looking like he wanted to rest too, but the children begged, yes begged, to go to Jesu Christo-dom (church). How could he say no?

The menu

2006-11-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

Jamie and I leapt out of bed this morning and after slaying a few housekeeping dragons, whipped together the following:

17 lbs of rosemary turkey
yams glazed in apple-pepper jelly
mashed potatoes
perfect gravy
cornbread dressing with pecans, currants, and apples
baby herb salad
biscuits
apple pie with ice-cream and caramel sauce

Three of the items came either ready-made or from a kit; I'll let you guess which ones.

We had a lovely visit with Grandma Carol and the children are still engaged in imaginative play with the cool toys she brought.

We got the power!

2006-11-18T07:36:00.000-08:00

Bom bom bomabity bom bom.

The lights came back on around 3ish on Thursday and there was much rejoicing around our house. There was also quite a bit of laundry, dishes, and bathing going on.

Andy's school news:

He got up in front of the class and shared about his family, human and critter. Apparently he spoke English, as his teacher understood and asked me about the housebunnies.
We packed for him a sack lunch and, as this if the first time he has had access to a food stash, he kept getting into his bag for a snack. We had to talk about eating only in the lunch room.
He learned to write his name in English! He practices every night.
He came home with a book called Whose Mouse Are You? in which all the family members of the lead character (a young mouse) die or are captured or disappear. What a nice choice for a former orphan! But it gets better. Because this mouse truly loves his family, through his own hard-work and diligence, he gets them all back. So if you are a good enough kid, you can regain those lost relatives. The book has mysteriously disappeared.
Do you know the story Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See? My sister read this to the children once, and I have read it 2-3 times. Last night Andy came over with the book and asked for a few of the names of animals and colors. Then he, with the book to guide him, read (recited) us the whole book. A few minutes later he came back without the book and recited the whole thing from memory. We are quite impressed.

Today Jamie and I are sharing an early Thanksgiving meal with Grandma Carol -- Jamie's Mom. Grandpa will not be with us as he is at the side of his recently bereaved brother. Jamie is wrestling with the turkey as I type and the children will help me make pies after breakfast. My sister gave us a darling Thanksgiving sticker book which we read and stickered this morning. The children have now some clue of what Thanksgiving is: "bolshoy chicken and pie".

boom BOOM and out go the lights

2006-11-16T08:55:00.000-08:00

What is even more fun than being sick with kids? Being sick with kids without power, which means

no lights
no central heat
no water (showers, laundry, dishes, hand-washing to prevent spread of illness)
no vcr/tv
no oven
no phones
no nightlights for kiddos
no bedtime/naptime music

We lost power yesterday at 12:15 and have been camping ever since. How am I posting? We charge the laptop in the truck last night and I have a nifty gadget that acts like a cell-phone for dial-up access.

We have a nice woodstove in the living room and a gas stove, so I can cook, as long as the menu is boiled or fried. We are reading lots of books by the fire; this is cozy and fun.

Not quite dead . . .

2006-11-14T18:26:00.000-08:00

. . . but not quite living either. Today was Andy's first day of school and I have been too sick to even find out how it went. Many thanks to my Dad who came over and kept the children safe and entertained as I collapsed on arrival.

Thank you all for your ideas. I think I had neglected to mention that we don't have television channels here. We have a TV that is connected to the DVD player and that is it. Alas, no Sesame Street for us. But wait! I have an idea (runs off to Google something). Why yes, we do have Sesame Street.

Ack

2006-11-13T11:24:00.000-08:00

Okay all you experienced Moms, I need you.

I need a list of menus and activities that will keep my kids happy and pleasant and that will take the least amount of energy from me as I am completely busy coughing and hacking and sneezing and collapsing onto horizontal surfaces.

Lovies

2006-11-12T20:56:00.000-08:00

This evening we had a wonderful first. Juliana and I were in the kitchen, from whence we could see Jamie relaxing by the fire in the living room. Papa, ya tebya lu-blue, I-love-you, she called out. As far as I know, this is the first time that she has initiated an I-love-you.

As I sat and stroked her cheek to help her fall asleep this evening I realized that both kids seem to be attaching well. I reflected for awhile on the reasons for this. The first and foremost is of course the Grace and Mercy of God. We've also done a lot of little things that I am sure have helped; I'll share some with you and I hope you will share some with me.

I try to touch their cheeks and palms and the soles of their feet as often as I can. We just work it into the daily routines.

After sending the children to wash their hands, we check for the smell of soap. This of course puts our faces near their hands which is perfect for kissing the palms of their clean pink upstreached hands. They love this; I love this. Considering that they eat four meals a day, this is a lot of kisses. Kisses are good. (Have to mention here that they announce that they are ready for their kisses by saying "mama, I washed my hands." Today is the two month anniversary of our final decree and they are uttering grammatically correct sentences in the past tense. But I digress . . .)
Whenever I put lotion on my hands I put it on their hands and cheeks. I rub it in.
Any time a child seems to be heading towards trouble (whiny, or pesky, or naughty) I tell them that I can see that they need a snuggle and we have one. I hold them sideways, like a baby and cup their face in my hand and coo at them. Juliana can only handle a little bit of this, Andy lots more.

When I need to discipline them by putting them in the malinky-stuhl (little chair), I present it as a whole-family sadness. I'm sad for them, their sibling is sad, he or she is sad. We are all sad that he or she has to sit in the malinky stuhl . As a family, we empathize with each other about how un-fun it is to sit there. After the required number of minutes, I arrive at the chair and sit down and ask him or her why they are in the chair. They tell me. I ask them if it is nice or happy or fun to be in the chair. They say no, of course. I ask them which is better: not obeying and sitting in the chair or obeying and not sitting in the chair. Of course, they pick obeying. Then their chair time is over and we are all happy for them. Even though I am the enforcer of chair time, and the one who determines the duration, they focus on the fact that I am sad with them and that I too hope for no chair time. After chair time, no matter how small, we have a very big snuggle. We just recently went out and bought a very big chair expressly for snuggling in.

In a couple of other posts (this one and this one) I mentioned that Juliana has trouble with being scared at night. The minute we would leave the room she would start to whimper and it would work up to a full wail. We tried lots of thing and nothing really worked but I do think we have stumbled on the path to peaceful bedtimes.

The first thing we did was stop trying to talk her out of being scared. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it took us awhile. We had been trying to focus her attention on the big papa, barky dogs, fenced yard, etc. This helped a teeny tiny bit. Then we figured out how to use what she wanted (for us to stay) to get what we wanted (for us to be able to leave and go to bed ourselves). I taught her how to make hand puppets out of her fingers. One finger is Scared Juliana. She says "I'm scared." The other finger is Mama y Papa's Juliana. She says "Wait, good mama (or papa) will come." We tuck them in and remind her that, if after a short interval we hear no whimpering or crying, I will come back and pat her until she falls asleep. The first few times I just sat in the hall and waited to hear her breathing change and then returned so that she could feel as if she had been successful. I didn't want her to break into a cry and have to do without us.

Anyway, we have been stretching the interval so that she is settled for about 15 minutes now and when I do come back, she can fall asleep very quickly. I think hearing herself affirm that she is in a good place and that we will not disappear -- hearing herself affirm this, not hearing it from us -- is settling her, and of course is super for attachment as she is practicing the ability to believe in us.

The other trick is that when I am there to pat her, I only pat if her eyes are closed. If her eyes are open we exchange I love you-s. After a few of these, she gets a bit uncomfortable. I think it is a bit too intimate for her, so she closes her eyes again. Every night though, she can take a few more I love you-s before she closes her eyes. With her eyes closed, the pats resume and soon she is asleep, nestled into the covers and layers of physical love, visual love, and auditory love.

I'd love to hear your attachment and parenting tricks and tips.

and more thanks

2006-11-12T10:17:00.000-08:00

er uhm . . . thank you to Aunt Ruby (she who must be obeyed) for the lovely card and books. We are quite delayed in our thank you notes; I think I just sent out the ones from early October. We haven't yet opened the books as we are saving them for the Christmas Tree, but knowing Aunt Ruby, they will be awesome books.

I love Jenny!

2006-11-11T19:31:00.000-08:00

Have I ever told you how awesome and clever and good-looking my cousin Jenny is? And she has excellent taste in gifts, bringing both this (which the children love) and a lovely LUSH facial (ayesha) which is the key to looking fresh and perky when one is actually weary and bedraggled. It is one of my favorite things, and cannot be acquired in the US through mail order. Yeah Jenny!

Calming My Wild Child

2006-11-10T08:55:00.000-08:00

One of the adoptive parenting groups that I belong to shared this helpful article by Debbie Jeffrey on how to help my busy boy settle down. I've cut-and-pasted it here, as the webpage version printed very strangely. If you want to print it, you can cut-and-paste from here into your word-processing program. I hope I've put in enough links that will direct enough traffic to Debbie Jeffrey's pages that she will overlook my copyright liberties.

My sons have always been the kinds of kids who everyone called hyperactive. Just watching them would give you a headache. When they were going especially hyper and crazy, we used to always send them for a run around the block. We figured they needed to blow off some steam and it'd tire them out.

"Everybody" used to tell us that all boys go wild, and that's what they needed.

I must admit, it didn't work too well for our kids - they'd come back still chomping at the bit, and with enough energy for another hundred blocks. It got them out of the house and away from a mother who was about to blow her stack, and that was useful. But that's about all.

Sometimes "everybody" gets it wrong.

We suffered their hyperactive behaviour for years, managing it by dosing ourselves with large quantities of bourbon and paracetamol (sorry), until my reading finally helped me to figure out what was going on for them, and what we, as parents, could do about it.

In my article on hyperactivity, I wrote about how the brains of young children who've experienced trauma or disruption actually get stuck in the fear response. As a result, their brains shift very easily into a "fight or flight" mode. So they get aroused and "hyper" very quickly, and sometimes in response to things that you or I wouldn't normally think of as stressful. These children sometimes look like they have ADHD. What they have is actually more like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

This understanding is relevant to adoptive families because disruption early on in life - like separation from birth mother and changes in caregivers - can be quite traumatic. We expect adopted babies to cope with it; however some children seem more sensitive to it than others. Added to this initial trauma that all adopted children experience, many of the children who we adopt at an older age have experienced abuse and neglect. This typically causes the changes to brain and behaviour of which I'm writing.

Thus, I came to realise that my kids, adopted at an older age and who do have problems related to early trauma and attachment difficulties, were hyperaroused. What they needed was quiet and calm to help their brains settle down - not more physical exertion. Asking my kids to go for a run was revving them up, not settling them.

In the last few years, I've developed a different attitude and learned some calming strategies, based on this understanding.

So how does a parent develop a calming attitude?

When your child is being hyperactive, fidgety, argumentative, loud and silly, even overly anxious, think of his brain as being hyperaroused and out of control. He lacks the ability to self-soothe. His environment needs, ideally, to be low on stress and stimulation and high on parental contact and calm.

I find myself using these principles, to a lesser extent, even with my relatively well-balanced biological child. When she's overanxious or tantrumming, I can see that, from another perspective, she's stressed and out-of-control. Her brain has reverted to a more immature level of thinking - she can't calm herself down, she can't problem-solve, her behaviour is escalating, and she needs the soothing influence of a parent to get it together. So the strategies I'm about to explain can be helpful for all kids.

I like to think of two guiding principles.

(1)Lower the stimulation level.
(2)Time-In (keeping your child close).

Let me explain.

(1)Lowering the stimulation level.

Why? It keeps your child aroused and stressed. Loud music, screaming and yelling are pretty obvious examples (don't you find that you get on edge when people are screaming at each other?). Less obvious ones are lots of unstructured physical exercise, TV (especially cartoons), video games, incessant talking, and crowds of people. I mention video games and cartoons because they contain lots of fast-changing images, and sometimes violent themes.

When your child is hyped up or anxious, keep those things to a minimum. This is not the time to take her for a visit to a theme park or send him out for a water fight with the neighbourhood kids.

How? What can you do instead?

First, when she flies off the handle over something trivial, don't argue with her. You can't reason with someone who's stressed, frightened, hyperactive - do that later, when she's settled. Be sympathetic but firm, and stay calm. Say to her, quite directly, "You're hyped up, and you need to calm down. I know what you need."

Find some quiet activities, preferably some that involve sitting and concentrating. Simple craft activities are great. If hyperactivity is a frequent problem with your child, it's worth having a box of stuff that you've pre-prepared to bring out at these times.

Some practical suggestions: drawing and colouring; jigsaws; playing with playdough (even my teenagers still love this); stringing beads; knitting; Lego; cutting and pasting (collage for older kids); chalk drawing on the driveway; playing with toys in the bath; puzzles such as word searches and simple crosswords; Hama beads (for older kids); finger-knitting. Your child should be doing these things alone or in your company only.

If your child is really hyped up, of course, it'll be hard to get him to concentrate on anything, so before you try these things, you might need to start with some of the "time-in" strategies suggested in the next section. However if you learn to read the signs that he's getting out of control, you may be able to stop his behaviour escalating - "nip it in the bud" - by trying some of the above ideas.

(2)Time-In

Time-in means keeping kids close to you when they're anxious or being troublesome.

Why? For healthy, well-attached children, it's very comforting to have mum or dad close when they're stressed. (And if your child doesn't feel comforted by having you close, then you need to actively encourage her to stay close - it'll help the attachment process). Remember, when they're stressed and aroused, their brains have reverted to an immature level of functioning. Babies need to be close to their parents. Research is showing us that, for a young child, just being physically close to a parent will increase the levels of calming hormones in her brain, and decrease the stress hormones. Physical contact is even better.

I know that it goes against the grain, in our culture, to keep our kids close when they're misbehaving, so this may require a significant shift in your thinking. Typically we like to send them away - to their rooms, to time-out - because we think this will decrease stimulation (which it kind of does), give them "thinking time", and get them out of our hair (which is sometimes, after all, necessary). We like to think our kids should calm themselves down independently of us.

But the trouble with time-out is that because it is so isolating, it actually increases the child's stress. It raises levels of stress hormones such as cortisol and adds to a child's sense of aloneness. It rarely works as "thinking time", because when a child is feeling stressed and upset, he's not very good at problem-solving.

Let's be realistic, sometimes parents need to do it when they're really at their wit's end and going spare. But I've come to realise that keeping your child close is a much better way, when you can manage it, of calming him down, de-stressing him, helping him to think rationally once again.

Your child needs you to be stronger, wiser, calmer and more in control than she. Keeping her close when she's hyperactive or stressed won't make her dependent on you. It increases her feelings of security and trust and, in so doing, actually builds connections in her brain. When she feels calm and secure she'll be confident enough to break away, to explore and develop independence.

I know that being around hyperactive, stressed out kids makes you, as a parent, feel on edge and stressed out. But I found that, when I started to make a habit of time-in rather than time-out, I started to feel more in control myself, and it was easier for me to stay calm. It probably won't happen at first, so "fake it 'til you make it". And when you do have the occasional bust-out and blow your stack, forgive yourself.

How? How do you practise time-in? Here are some ideas:

- Have him do some of the activities suggested above, while close to you, e.g. sitting on the floor or at the table next to you.
- Get her to help you with the housework, alongside you. e.g. wiping walls, hanging out the washing.
- Have him help with cooking. Baking biscuits (cookies)is great - grab some pre-prepared dough from the fridge section of the supermarket, which makes it easy to bake on the spur of the moment.
- Have her just sit on the floor next to you.
- Sit and read to him.
- Play some finger games (e.g. "Where is thumbkin?") or singing games with you.
- When he's up to it - hugs and cuddles and rocking. Hold your child like you would a baby, across your lap with his head in your left arm, get him looking in your eyes and talk or sing to her. Holding like this, especially with eye contact, engages the right side of the brain, which is the part that regulates emotion. It's what mothers automatically do with their babies, and scientists have only recently begun to figure out why. It's very soothing, and it helps to develop the parts of the brain that regulate emotion. You can be quite direct in how you explain it to your child: "Here's what we're going to do. Some kids find this very relaxing." With an adopted or foster child, you might even say, "We didn't get to do this when you were a baby. So we're going to do it now."
- Strong Sitting. This is another very powerful tool for settling kids. I consider it about as close as you can get to meditation for children. I've been told that you can teach children to meditate, but I've never been able to teach my wild kids to do so (funny ...)I have, however, been able to get them to strong sit. It seems to help the brain shift gears, to engage the rational, thinking side that moderates strong emotions. Here's what you do.

The child sits quietly, cross-legged, on the floor, with her back unsupported, eyes open, mouth closed, hands comfortably in her lap, nothing to fiddle with. The aim is for her to eventually sit for one minute for every year of his life (i.e. a 5 year old would sit for 5 minutes).

You need to build up the length of time the child can do it, so start with just a small amount of time - even 30 seconds is good. Try to do it 2 to 3 times a day, and make sure your child is with you when he does it. While you're cooking dinner is a good time, or sitting doing paperwork. I set the timer on the stove for my son, and if he breaks the silence, or starts moving and fidgeting, he has to start again. He's learned (eventually) not to break it, which also makes it a good exercise in self-discipline. Surprisingly, he now does it with a minimum of fuss when I ask him, which tells me that he must recognise, at some level, that it helps him.

In conclusion: If you have a wild child, start by limiting the time she spends in stimulating activities. Monitor the amount of time he has with TV and video games. Recognise the signs that she's becoming hyperaroused, and redirect her attention to quiet, calming activities before she really starts losing it. This is helpful even for the not-so-wild distressed child. Make sure he spends plenty of time in close proximity to you and has plenty of physical contact with you. Do your best to stay cool and, in time, your wild child will be calmer, and you'll both be more in control.

- Debbie Jeffrey

http://www.djeffrey.id.au/calming_your_wild_child.html

Birthday Report

2006-11-06T15:04:00.000-08:00

Andy had a great birthday weekend. After birthday lunch and cake and his cool present (kid's digital camera), we headed for town.

We visited MindPort and were very happy that we did not have to leave early (this time) as no one fiddled with the lightswitches nor turned off all the displays.

From there we visted The Fairhaven Toy Garden from whence we had been blessed with gift certificate. They have lovely toys including HABA toys, which are the coolest ever. We've recently received several generous gift-checks which we plan to spend on Christmas gifts at the toy garden. We were absolutely thrilled that our obedient children sweetly asked if they could touch stuff and accepted with grace when we had to say no, though we said yes as often as we could.

We then visited our local independent bookstore and with another blessing of a gift certificate, bought Brown Bear Brown Bear, What do you see? and Annie and the Wild Animals and Olivia. I was super happy that we ran into two of my colleagues and that they could meet the children.

We had dinner out and then home for bubble baths and a Mr. Bean movie and one more round of presents . Each child got a costume thanks to the Old Navy post-Halloween sale. These have become the official television-watching garb. Not that we watch any TV, just videos, and not even many of those, but the children don their official grab on the mere whisper of a hope.

On Sunday we went to church and then to my parent's home for Birthday Brunch with Aunt Christy, Uncle Grape, Uncle Tim, and my Uncle Chuck. He received several nice gifts (books and cupcakes of his very own). We took lots of pictures to share with you until we misplaced the camera. Whoops.

and the winner is . . .

2006-11-04T21:40:00.000-08:00

Option C, which arrived after the voting but resolves the problems of the first too. I didn't like the eye-hole in Option A nor the blockiness of Option B.

Happy Birthday Andy!

2006-11-04T10:13:00.000-08:00

It's a rainy day - Andy loves rain.
Papa is home - Andy love Papa.
We are serving everything with whipping cream on top (Cheerios, juice, etc.) - Andy loves whipping cream.
Later we will have an outing - Andy loves outings.

We love Andy.

and more

2006-11-03T16:54:00.000-08:00

Today when I went to pick up Andy, his little face lit up with joy when he saw me. This has never happened before. Usually, when reunited, he looks a bit peeved. I can't tell you how encouraging this is, that he rejoices to see his mama.

Over lunch, we were counting who loves him. We did Mama and Papa and Juliana and the two sets of Grandparents and the Aunt and Uncles (10 thus far) and then moved onto the pets, who are mostly paired. To my utter shock Andy said 12, 14, 16!! Counting by twos? We didn't teach this. All we have taught is the names of numbers, not even the shapes of the written number. Andy: boy genius.

In other news, we received the children's certs of citizenship in the mail this week, so know I can apply for social security cards and then passports and then, at last, make the trip to IKEA! My nearest IKEA is in Canada, just north of us.

A Happy Day

2006-11-02T14:33:00.000-08:00

Today was the "trial" day at preschool and I am happy to say that we were indeed invited back. Juliana is invited back for the group we were in today, and Andy is invited back for an other day that has older kids. We all agree that he is a bit old for today's group. We are also looking into one-day-a-week kindergarten for him.

The preschool is FOUR minutes from our home at the local community Baptist church and meets on Tuesday and Thursday mornings for Juliana and Friday mornings for Andy. Juliana didn't actually make any friends, but she and two other little girls moved en masse from play station to play station today: sort of a side-by-side group play dynamic.

In other happy news, the children seem to have absorbed the relationship between being very quiet in the morning and having a jolly good-natured Mom. Yesterday I only heard one loud plonk and a loud SHHHHHHH; today I heard nothing. Their clock radio goes on at 8:00 and that is the cue for coming downstairs and making noise. In addition to me getting my much needed last hour of sleep, Juliana also gets a bit more, as Andy wakes up around 7 and had been in the habit of waking her up too.

In even more happy news, we found the Russian word for "obey" and were able to have a long conversation about children's jobs (obeying) and parent's jobs (earning money and buying grapes, according to Andy). Today my parents did the second half of pre-school trial and then brought the children home; they were happy to be able to report that the children obeyed. This has not always been the case. I am feeling hopeful again.

I found a useful website that has some good advice about sensible parenting, specifically about training in obedience and then most of the other training is done. While reading the website, I realized that has been my worry: if we can't instill obedience, there is no end to the troubles and anxieties ahead. When we get obedience in place, we can enjoy more and fret less.

Other happy families

2006-11-01T12:30:00.000-08:00

Very happy to move families from the Families in Waiting blogroll to the Kids are Home! blogroll.

Bethee and DH
Brian and Rhonda (I presume)
Dave and Anna
Tina
Young Family

and SoFlaDad and SoFlaMom have drifted over to the China blogroll.

Announcement Proofs

2006-10-30T10:53:00.000-08:00

option A

option B

We are about to order our adoption announcements and here are our most recent renditions. What do you think?

Edited to draw your attention to the nifty poll widget in the upper right corner. Please cast your vote!

HA!

2006-10-30T09:14:00.000-08:00

Don't you just love it when, on a balmy and pleasant Saturday afternoon you or your husband take the screens off, wash the windows, and put the storm windows up and then the very next day a cold front blows in and there is fresh snow in the foothills and the temperature drops to 34 degrees and you are inside all snug and smug 'cause your storms are up? Oh, this has never happened to you? Well it has never happened to us either, until now. Yes, Jamie beat the first deep chill of winter. Yeah Jamie!!

Something about having the storms up makes me feel secure and cozy. I want to make soup and bake apple treats and pull out the woolie sweaters.

I'll try to take a picture of Mt Baker for y'all today. He is wearing his new clean coat of snow and twinkling in the sun. Here's a bit of local lore for you:

The Lummi, who live near the Canadian border, cast Rainer as the jealous wife of Mount Baker. Rainer was the favorite of Baker’s two wives, but she had an awful temper. After a while the younger wife, Mount Shuksan, with her kind disposition, became the shine of Baker’s eye. Furious, Rainer threatened to leave unless Baker showed her more attention. When Baker ignored her, she made good her threat and traveled south, alone and slow. After a distance she looked back,expecting Baker to call her home. He did not. A little farther, she looked again. Still nothing. With a heavy heart she continued on and camped for the night on the highest hill in the land. She stretched and stretched to see Baker and her children, until she stood higher than all the mountains around. But Baker did not call her home. “Often on a clear day or clear night,” says the narrator, “the mountain dresses in sparkling white and looks with longing at Baker and the mountain children near him” (p. 22-23).

Barcott, Bruce. The Measure of a Mountain. Seattle: Sasquatch Books, 1997.

btw, I found that link of ways to support an adoptive family.

Oddments

2006-10-29T19:10:00.000-08:00

We have been so busy living our new lives that we’ve not had time to document it. So many things to report, so little time. Here then is a random selection from our last nine days, no particular order.

Children’s Hospital, Everett Clinic is quite nice. They provide valet parking and there is a nice coffee shop and free internet. We learned that Juliana’s bent leg is from Vitamin D deficiency which is needed for proper calcium absorption. Wait. We already knew that. We learned that Orthopedics only documents changes, and that we need to see Endocrinology to get her on high doses of vitamin supplements. Wait, we are already doing that. We learned that the Outlet Centers in Burlington are a really fun place to take a little girl.

Andy had a wonderful day while Juliana and I were at the clinic. Dedushka took him to Secret Beach where they tromped about and built a campfire and an old Russian-speaking man sat down and chatted with Andy. I would love to know what they spoke of. Later, Dad and brother Tim and Andy made cider at my parent’s home. We’ve been making cider in the fall as long as I can remember.

Juliana got her glasses last week. She wears them without being reminded and they apparently help a lot. We are very glad that we got a back-up pair, as we have already had a breakage.

The children and I had lunch at Costco last week. They gleefully adorned their cheese pizzas with sauerkraut and pronounced it “bolshoy num-num”.

We had a lovely dinner at my sister’s home. Her dear husband cooked us an awesome meal and gave me an acupressure treatment. Sister took the children for a walk and sang them silly songs. We left feeling blessed and fortified.

The dryer died. In the last three years we have replaced the water heater, the washer, the dryer, the fridge, and the dishwasher. It’s as if the appliances are in cahoots. Bank account low? Time for an appliance to die.

We have had a rather rough week. Two steps forward, three steps back. We knew that post-institutional children often regress in their toilet habits. On paper, we accepted this as part of the package. Living it out, on the other hand, is a whole different thing. I stood in the diaper aisle of Walmart absolutely dazzled by the array of diaper choices and absolutely amazed that I was about to buy some. I thought we had cleverly side-stepped the whole diaper thing. Alas.

Let’s see, what else have we been doing? We go to the doctor/dentist/vet/specialist at least once a week. I have meeting for school at least once a week. We try to have outings, but they are often aborted.

It’s not been a particularly happy period. We are tired. I think the children are tired. Everything is so hard, for us, and for them.

Hoping for a perkier posting next time,

Baby Slugs

2006-10-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

The children just presented me with a baby slug. They wanted to know if it was safe to pet, or if it would bite them. I am so pleased that they thought to inquire. I told them they could pet it, but they had to do so outside. They then asked if they could keep it as a pet. No, we are not accepting new pets, particularly not slugs. EWWWWwwww.

Snuggly Jesus

2006-10-17T11:21:00.000-07:00

Instead of climbing into her high-chair (yes she is 5, but physically, she is 3, so we need a high-chair) this morning, Juliana crawled into my arms for a long snuggle. So, I taught the word snuggle. "Mama likes to snuggle; Papa likes to snuggle; Babushka y Dadadushka like to snuggle," the children recited their list of known snugglers. "Jesu Christo likes to snuggle." I apparently looked a bit surprised. "Da, destsky scared, Jesu Christo snuggles." (Yes, when children are scared, Jesus Christ snuggles them.)

When I was a child, I knew this about Jesus. I had forgotten.

Our day

2006-10-16T20:40:00.000-07:00

8:30 am - the children's clock radio goes off which is the signal to come downstairs. The three of us cuddle and giggle in the big bed. This is good.

8:45 -- Juliana commences a royal whine-and-cry because she doesn't like the socks that her brother sweetly went to fetch for her. This earns her a spell in the WhineAndCry chair. She does not like this.

9:00 am -- I go upstairs to check the children's rooms. Children are dressed. Beds are made. Clothes are put away. This is good. I go back downstairs.

10:30 am -- I go back upstairs to find the children pouring water over one another. They are fully dressed and fully soaked, as is the rest of the bathroom. This is not good. I ask them if this is okay behavior at the orphanage. They say no. I ask them if this is okay behavior at Mama and Papa's home. They say no. We all agree that this is not okay behavior.

12:00 -- we head out to do errands. The trip to the park and the ice-cream are cancelled due to soggy bathroom. During our drive, Andy asks, in his nice voice, Please Mama, Detsky Dom. I have never heard him ask for the orphanage except for when he is angry. I ask him if we wants Mama and Papa and Juliana and Andy at the orphanage, or just Andy and Juliana. He says he wants Mama y Papa Dom Y DetskyDom. I ask him if he is sad. He is. We talk about all the people he liked and is sad for. He is sad because he thinks the caregivers are sad because they miss Andy and Juliana. We all agree that there is sadness. We also agree that we are not sad about Child X who regularly beat up Andy. We are happy that he is PacaPaca (bye-bye). This whole interval is very sweet.

4:30 -- Jamie and I hear "If you would like to make a call, please hang up and dial again" on speaker phone from a phone upstairs where Andy is allegedly napping in his bed. I go up. Andy feigns shock and amazement at the strange behavior from the phone which is mysteriously wrapped in a (damp) towel and hidden in the bathroom cabinet. He denys touching it. I place both his hands over his heart and require eye-contact. He confesses. I thank him. This is the first time he has been truthful with me during a bust. This is encouraging.

5:30 -- Andy learns that the incident of the phone in the nap has cost him his "good nap" sticker. He then loses his yogurt for standing on his chair and trying to eat his yogurt whilst holding it aloft. I think he was envisioning a ceiling-height yogurt dispenser that dispenses yogurt into his awaiting mouth. Whatever. We don't stand on our chairs and hold our food up over our heads. In his frustration over these back-to-back losses, Andy kicks his sister, hard. This is not good. Andy spends quite awhile in the WhiningAndCrying chair, which dual functions as a Naughty Chair.

6:30 -- We find a window open and a screen popped out upstairs. Andy denys everything. I put both hands over his heart again and require eye-contact. His voice shakes as he answers "da" (yes) when I ask if he did this. I thank him for telling me. He is very puzzled. Two truthful admissions in one day. This is very good.

7:00 -- the children race downstairs to show me two important pictures they have found as they looked through the books upstairs. One is of baby Jesus, one is of Christ on the cross. Jesu Christo!! Jesu Christo!! they proclaim. Yes, yes, Jesus Christ, I answer. Christ. Andy stares at me. The light goes on. Christ Amen? he asks. Our children have just now figured out our prayers.

Andy says Grace

2006-10-15T16:36:00.000-07:00

Dee HeveEE Father,

Thank you SOOO much.

Aunt Christy,

Amen

Okay, so I'm going to have to enunciate better, especially the In Christ's Name (Aunt Christy) part.

We made it to church again today. The teacher for their group usually alternates every week, so we were surprised to find the nice lady from last week there today. She came in just in case our kids were there, so that they would have continuity. Isn't that sweet?

To answer a few questions from the Remarks Box:

BTDT is Been There Done That.
I think having two will increase our hiberation period, as they each only get half of me, so to speak, so it will take twice as long.
We took a phone cord, but didn't need it. The phone jack at the Markuel was just like the ones at home. The thing we really needed, and D&L kindly brought for us, was a power strip, so that we could plug in our one outlet adaptor and then plug in our many necessary things (camera battery charger, computer, modem, hot curlers for court-day etc.).

Visitors?

2006-10-14T08:58:00.000-07:00

Well, we certainly have learned the hard way why the advice from folks that have BTDT is to limit visitors. We actually thought we were limiting! Every visit triggers a complete rebuilding of the rule-book. The children imagine that the new person is the next shift and are eager to abandon all the rules and regulations of the old shift.

So, we are now realizing that we are not going to be able to add "new" people to their repertoire for awhile. So, we thank you for your patience as we know you want to meet the kiddos, but it really works best for us to hold off for awhile longer.

Music

2006-10-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

I've found a way to share pretty music with you. This piece, The Lark Ascending, by Vaughan Williams was inspired in part by the English poet George Meredith (1828-1909). The composer included this portion of Meredith's poem on the flyleaf of the published work:

He rises and begins to round,
He drops the silver chain of sound,
Of many links without a break,
In chirrup, whistle, slur and shake.

For singing till his heaven fills,
‘Tis love of earth that he instils,
And ever winging up and up,
Our valley is his golden cup

And he the wine which overflows
to lift us with him as he goes.
Till lost on his aerial rings
In light, and then the fancy sings.

Nine Cavities!

2006-10-12T15:46:00.000-07:00

ouch

In addition we learned that she has had a bunch of teeth pulled and some fillings. Who knew? We couldn't see the fillings under the stains (which polished off) and I didn't realize that the "lost tooth gaps" were atypical.

We picked out her lavender glasses at Costco today. She is quite sad that we have to wait a week.

No Cavities!

2006-10-11T11:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we visited the eye doctor for both kids (Juliana needs glasses: no surprise) and Andy saw the dentist. They polished off all the stains and declared that he had a perfect mouth. No cavities, no alignment problems, no worries. Juliana sees the same dentist tomorrow morning. We don't expect such a good report for her, but are very willing to be surprised.

Church

2006-10-09T10:16:00.000-07:00

We attended church yesterday for the first time since the children came to us. We bravely dropped them off at Children's Lessons, which run during the first half of the service. Right before communion all the children rejoin their families via a processional into the sanctuary. Our children looked quite relieved to see us again. Andy was baptised in Russia, so he was able to take communion along with us.

I was very happy to be back at church.

"Please Mama, books"

2006-10-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

Yes, this was Juliana's request last night during our after dinner quiet snuggle.

When the children first came to us, we tried books and they were clearly not interested. Andy gets a few books with his naptime routine, but other than that, we haven't pushed books and they haven't pursued them. This of course was quiet worrisome to me, Ms. Book-Eater.

Juliana and I went through three books together last night and she asked for words in English. She has been rather resistent to English, prefering to teach us the Russia rather than learn a new word. So, happy steps forward on two fronts.

October Moonrise

2006-10-07T17:15:00.000-07:00

Taken from our front steps as the children ooooed and awed.

October

2006-10-07T11:45:00.000-07:00

October

O hushed October morning mild,

Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;

Tomorrow’s wind, if it be wild,

Should waste them all.

The crows above the forest call;

Tomorrow they may form and go.

O hushed October morning mild,

Begin the hours of this day slow.

Make the day seem to us less brief.

Hearts not averse to being beguiled,

Beguile us in the way you know.

Release one leaf at break of day;

At noon release another leaf;

One from our trees, one far away.

Retard the sun with gentle mist;

Enchant the land with amethyst.

Slow, slow!

For the grapes’ sake, if they were all,

Whose leaves already are burnt with frost,

Whose clustered fruit must else be lost –

For the grape’s sake along the wall.

-- Robert Frost

God’s World

2006-10-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

God’s World

O World, I cannot hold thee close enough

Thy winds, thy wide grey skies!

Thy mists that roll and rise.

Thy wood, this autumn day, that ache and sag.

And all but cry with colour! That gaunt crag

To crush! To lift the lean of that black bluff.

World, World, I cannot get thee close enough.

Long have I known a glory in it all,

But never knew I this:

Here such a passion is

As stretcheth me apart – Lord I do fear

Thou’st made the world too beautiful this year;

My soul is all but out of me – let fall

No burning leaf; prithee, let no bird call.

-- Edna St. Vincent Millay

I'm not teaching this quarter, alas, but if I were, we would be reading some autumn poems. I'll share them with you instead. My Mom first shared this poem with me and it has become one of my favorites. We are having mornings just like this these days.

Right now the children are picking up by hand each and every yard leaf and putting them in the trash. I didn't set them to this task, but it is keeping them busy and happy, so I'll not intervene.

Busy busy busy

2006-10-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

I must say that I have never ever multi-tasked more than I did last night when I was cooking dinner (okay, heating up the dinner my girlfriend J brought over), corralling three joyfully loose goats, and consoling a small girl with a high fever and a broken heart because she had misplaced her footie pajamas. Jamie was toiling away at work saving small cities from refinery mishaps. Okay, maybe his work is not quite that dramatic, but I like to tell myself so when I have to do without him – makes our struggle seem more meaningful I suppose.

For goat details, see The Great Goat Escape – different day, same caper.

Fever? The children have had to redo all their shots, and have both reacted strongly with fevers and malaise and serious crankiness.

So, a general update is in order. We saw Dr. Julian Davies at the adoption clinic at UW who ordered gallons of blood and a zillion x-rays and sent all the findings to our local doctor whom we saw on Tuesday. We very much like him and Nurse Christina. Juliana has brought home some unwanted guests in her GI tract, so we are looking forward to getting rid of them. In addition we have started working towards a diagnosis for why she is so teeny. We are very happy to have gotten an appointment a good pediatric dentist for Juliana next week, as she is in dire need.

On the school side, we are getting closer to getting on the same page with our school personnel in terms of getting the children assessed in Russia asap. We have to officially enroll them which we are doing through the MP3 program. The MP3 program is the vehicle whereby home-schooling families access some classes. We need a district teacher to recommend that the children be assessed, so we’ll go to class and demonstrate our remarkable melt-down capacity. Our children have the emotional fortitude of much younger children.

Why are we pushing for assessment you may ask? On one hand, they are clearly bright. On the other hand, their background is statistically risky for learning troubles. If we wait and see, we will lose our window for accurate assessment. We either need to assess in Russian now or in English about four years from now. If we don’t assess now and do enroll them in school next year and do run into trouble, we will have limited our options for determining the nature and possible resolution of the troubles.

So, between scheduling and keeping doctor appointments, and talking with and meeting the various staff members of the school team, we have been busy busy.

How can I help?

2006-10-05T14:54:00.000-07:00

An anonymous poster has asked how they can help a newly formed family.

CASSEROLES!

Before I crashed my old blog I had a link to a site that had a list of 10-12 ways to support an new family. I've lost the link and the luxury of time for searching, but I am sure someone out there has it.

We've been home two weeks and I have especially appreciated food, short visits (especially ones in which I get to shower), practical household help (dishes, floors, beds changed etc.), helping with doctor visits, and people accepting our "weird" parenting. People have called before visiting to ask what we need: a quart of milk, warm playclothes for cool weather, a prescription picked up -- all these things help a lot. We've also been really grateful that people are following our requests of "no cuddling, no sweets". We are realizing daily how important this is, so if your new family has made explicit requests, honor them - there are reasons.

So, other families who have BTDT, what do you recommend? and who can provide that missing link? (tee hee)

Sticks and Nettles

2006-10-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

We live on five acres shaped like a long skinny chocolate bar. On the back acres are trees and a meadow. This portion adjoins all the neighbors' trees and meadows. No one lives back there, but someone (we are still trying to figure out who) comes through all the parcels now-and-then with a brush hog. A brush hog, for you city-folk, is the Papa of all Lawn Mowers and easily cuts blackberries, shrubs and small trees. The brush hog path makes for a lovely walking trail that covers several acres, including a cedar grove full of mossy logs to walk on and slip off of, mushrooms to whack, birds to spot, and many secret nooks.

Today we took the children, the dogs, and our one adventuresome cat (the other kitty was doing her nails) on an outing to the back acres. We learned the joys and cautions of whacking branches with a stick, what nettles look like, and why one should pay close attention when Mama and Papa are warning one about nettles.

Yesterday we bought Juliana her first own dolly. She chose a soft pink newborn and it has been very fun to watch her coo and cuddle with it. Also yesterday, Andy climbed (with my help) his first tree. I boosted him up once and then set him to it. He was not able to get back in by himself, though he tried hard. He has good leg muscles, but no upper body strength. I am hoping to keep him trying the tree on a daily basis until he makes it.

We skipped naps yesterday and put them to bed a bit early and they awoke a bit late. It is nice to have this option, though I don't think I want to try it two days in a row.

The children are asleep and I have to choose between napping, showering, and blogging. Bye.

Conversations at our house

2006-09-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

transcribed from the English/Russia/Sign Language which has become our household norm

Andy: "Can I do the dishes now?"
Papa: "We are still eating, please wait."
Andy: "Can I vacuum then?"
Mama: "Too noisey, please wait."
(Andy then clears the table and wipes down all the parts that he can reach -- Jamie and Suzanne are lingering over coffee.)
Andy: "Dishes now?"
(Jamie and Suzanne notice the rain clouds rolling in.)
Mama: "No you may not do the dishes or vacuum; you must go outside and play."
Andy: "Please?"
Mama: "Outside. Play. Now."
Andy: (tearing up) "Please please Mama? I don't understand."
(Suzanne points the clouds and draws raindrops.)
Mama: "Hurry if you want to play outside."
Andy: "If I play outside now can I vacuum and do the dishes later?"
Mama: "Maybe."
Andy makes a very long and passionate speech in Russia which results in them frantically assembling themselves for outdoor play and racing out the front door.

Did I mention that they make their beds in the morning and love to sort laundry and neaten their drawers?

still here!

2006-09-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

It is very hard to type on one's laptop on one's lap when the lap is also occupied by five plates and a teapot and two teacups, a LUSH tub, and a small mug each full of playdough. Playdough tea, playdough fish, playdough applecrisp, playdough zuup, playdough milk etc.

First, thank you for your supportive and thoughtful and encouraging posts and emails and telephone calls. We are doing so much better. I didn't know that missing naps made kids more awake at night. We were skipping naps in the hope that they would be tired enough to sleep through jet lag, but it wasn't working. We reinstated naps and everything got better.

Second, flip through the older posts - I've added a lot of pictures.

Yesterday, we visited the International Adoption Clinic at the University of Washington. We got to meet with our doctor and a translator and it was very helpful. Juliana shared that she was afraid of the window at night, that something bad would come in. We talked about how the windows lock and that she has a bolshoy papa and barky dogs and a big brother in the room and that mama and papa's room is right below them and that she and Andy could switch beds so that she was far from the window. This all seems to have helped, as we had no crying at bedtime last night nor at naptime today. The doctor asked Andy if he had any concerns or problems at his new home and he proclaimed that he liked everything and that the food was good.

The children did really well at the clinic. Juliana patiently and cooperatively sat through 13 x-rays and they both visited the vampires without flinching, though Andy's eyes watered. We got ice cream on the way home and they chanted, "Da Mama y Papa dom; Nyet detsky dom." I'm sure the ice-cream helped.

Sometime this week -- it's all a fuzzy blur to me -- my dear cousin and two of her children visited. Julie got to meet her namesake and the second cousins got to play.Andy lost a tooth this week and was just delighted with his toothfairy haul. He got ten pennies andthree candies and promptly gave one to his sister and one to his parents. He's such a nice boy.

Last night they got to pet one of the kitties for the first time. The kitties have been very scarce up until now. We've taught the children to sit when they see a kitty and it finally paid off as kitty became comfortable enough to approach them. Yeah. Today they got to meet the bunnies whom they petted gently.

We were all set to welcome Jamie's folks tomorrow for their first long visit (they got to meet the children at the airport, but that was just a tiny visit), but Jamie has to work graveyard tonight (11-7) so we will be on an odd schedule tomorrow.

In closing, big big thanks to

my parents who have been here (one or the other or both) nearly every day with casseroles and warm playclothes and practical help
Diana for dinner and applecrisp
Jody for a yummy yummy lasagna and a clean kitchen floor
Aunt Christy & Uncle Grape for the dried apple slices with which I can buy most any behavior I want.
all of you who have taken the time to write long emails full of very useful and appreciated advice.
you! for coming back to read the blog even though I've been so boring this week.

Adding pics

2006-09-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

pics added to the following:

Home Sweet Home
Where are we?
a bit more

All I want for Christmas is a full night's sleep

2006-09-24T00:59:00.000-07:00

This is really hard. We have wonderful support and we are finally home and we are so weary. We did not baby-proof our home sufficiently, imagining that our children would be reliably obedient about forbidden zones from the get-go: very naïve of us.

As it is, it is as if we are baby-sitting in that we can never have them out of our sight. Having lived in a world where everything was a.) safe for children and b.) existed expressly for children, Andy and Juliana can not hang onto the thought that some things are truly and permanently off-limits. In the orphanage, things that were not appropriate for children were kept in other rooms – rooms the children didn’t even know existed – so anything that was in the three rooms in which they lived truly was for them, if not now, then later.

We will say that something is off-limits and they hear that it is off-limits for now. It is all very reasonable considering what they are familiar with. It is also wearing us out as they keep checking to see if something is still off-limits. It is a bit like living with toddlers, but they are tall and have excellent fine motor skills and can open latches etc. Yes, it is exactly like that. Imagine you have an inquisitive toddler who hasn’t learned boundaries yet. You put everything up high or behind a baby-proof latch. Now imagine that your toddler is tall and can easily manipulate your latch and there are two of them. What do you do?

So, you experienced adoptive parents, how do you handle this? Oh right, you don’t have time to read blogs, you are busy parenting. Hmmmm . . .

Just in case you are reading, here is our other dilemma. Juliana has night terrors which of course wake Andy up as they share a room. Juliana gets cuddled and rocked back to sleep as she is icy cold and sweating and is, well, terrified. Andy does not get rocked back to sleep as he is merely grouchy from being awakened. Of course the “I want what she has” reflex kicks in and then he cries because she is being rocked and he is not. This keeps her from going back to sleep. Obviously, we could deal with this by giving them separate rooms, except that in general, Andy is frightened of being alone at all. They are used to having an adult sleep in the same room, but we really don’t want to start that. Ack. Our current lousy plan is to take turns staying up late waiting for the terrors (they happen in her first cycle of sleep) so that we can get her out of the room before Andy really gets going. This of course will only work until Jamie goes back to work on Monday as the parent who did the night shift gets to sleep in the morning. Or I’ll be doing the night shift as well as getting up with the kids at 7:00 and I’ll be grouchy and crying.

What I wouldn’t give for 24 hours of our old life back, just so we could get the house straightened out and a solid night of sleep so that we could handle this better. I don’t want our old life back for keeps, but it would sure be nice to have it back for just for enough time to get properly ready for the new life.

a bit more - pics added

2006-09-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

I just have to say that Jamie’s employer, Acuren, rocks. We received a beautiful bouquet of flowers and two stuffed lovies yesterday morning.

Today we took the children to Value Village and got the last little bits of outdoor playclothes that we needed and then took them to beach where they promptly walked into the water, fully clothed, and had a wonderful time splashing and playing and making stone soup for us. Pics to follow. Good thing we had all those dry clothes in the car.

We had dinner at Mom and Dad’s (yum yum) and I had the joy of pushing my children on the same rope swing on which I was pushed as a child. (I grew up in the same house that my Mom did, and they still live there.) The children behaved quite nicely.

So, here is what I am glad we did while we were in Russia (this is all for you, Rhonda).

Make the kitchen and the parent’s bedroom off-limits unless accompanied by an adult and even then, a tenuous privilege that is easily lost. By having places that require extra good behavior they have an opportunity to practice for other things, like visiting Grandma’s and you have an opportunity to see what they can do when motivated and in addition you have a place to hide your chocolate.
Establish a vocabulary and routine that says that if you don’t comply you will lose something. We use Paka Paka? (Bye-Bye?) If a child is acting up, defying, or whining, we can ask PakaPaka ____________? And they know that if they continue to act up, the _________________ is disappearing.
Both our children have a hard time being happy with what they have. I think the years of going without have established a habit of feeling deprived, even when they are not deprived. When they whine about not getting enough or someone having one grape more or whatever, they usually lose something related to the whine, like another grape etc.
Practice holding time for tantrums.

You can use the wash-tub at the MarKuel as a booster seat. Turn it upside down and put a towel on top. We wish had bought plastic dishware and glasses on arrival, as there wasn’t much left of the glassware by the time that we left.

Q&A

How is Holly?
Holly’s ultrasound was on Thursday and no masses were found. The lab results from the liver and spleen tests came back happy. There is no sign of more cancer and we are very grateful for this.

How did the children react to our other kids?
Andy and Juliana love the dogs. Our little dog loves them. Our older dog is so happy to see us again that she doesn’t pay them much attention. The kitties hide from the kiddos. The bunnies are off-limits. A&J love the goats and the goats love them.

How is their English?
We had first sentences from each. Andy: “Juliana three books.” This is actually a sentence fragment as it is missing a verb, but I didn’t want to quibble. Juliana: “Isn’t she cute?” asked of herself while looking in the mirror.

Home Sweet Home

2006-09-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

We made it!

Last night was the first night that the children slept at night! Jet lag with Littles is a big drag. They are adjusting really well and we are reaching a place of peace and happiness which is much better than fatigue and anxiety.

We tossed out the "don't visit us" rule as we spent so much time bonding in Russia we are not worried about it now. If you do want to visit, we have a few requests:

Please arrive empty-handed; we want the children to experience people, not things. This doesn't mean you can't bring a casserole -- just leave it in the car and we'll sneak out to fetch it.
Don't feed or offer sweets.

Mom and Dad have blessed us with a couple of visits and we got brave and took the children to my sister's for Mom's birthday party last night. They behaved very nicely and it was so fun to watch Aunt Christy and Uncle Grape (formerly known as Greg) play with them. They remembered Uncle Tim from the ride home and greeted him with hugs.

Oops -- gotta go . . .

edited to add that we were greeted at the airport by Jamie's folks and picked up by my brother Tim. Here are the first photos of the children with their new relatives.

First lessons with Aunt Christy

Where are we?

2006-09-19T01:04:00.000-07:00

Writing from: Swiss Air Seat 14C
Local time at writing: sometime really early Tuesday morning September 19, not sure what time zone I am in right now.
Posting from: Zurich airport
Local time at posting: 10:05 am Tuesday September 19th, 2006

So many things to write about.

As we were departing from Khabarovsk, Lena was chatting with the children, asking if they had any questions about their new life in America. Juliana did. She wanted to know if we could have an elephant. “No.” “Not even a baby elephant?” “No” “A rhino then?”

When Jamie and I are going crazy because the children seem to have forgotten basic rules of good behavior – behavior that we know they know as we saw it during our many orphanage visits – I just tell myself “baby elephant.” In their fantasies of their new life, anything is possible, and of course life without tiresome rules would be at the top of their wish list.

The children do fairly well on the flights. Andy had the window seat across Russia and was delighted to see all the malinky machina (little cars) and then the clouds below us. Juliana couldn’t see out the window – too short – so she really didn’t have as much fun.

Flying in to Moscow we flew over the outlying areas. The clusters of homes we could see were charming, often two-story with barn style roofs, and brightly painted. The surrounding areas were under cultivation and it was all very pretty.

Moscow is also very pretty. I had heard horror stories of the Moscow airport, but we found it to be clean with good signage and free carts (what is with the US Airports that charge for carts? So unhospitable!). We easily found our traveling companions, as well as our facilitator. We were loaded into cars and whizzed off to the city. The roads are wide and in good repair and the drivers have nerves of steel. Our hotel was located very near the heart of the city so our drive into town gave us a good peek at Moscow.

Our free day in Moscow, Sunday, was a real treat. We took a tram (#44) from our hotel straight to the Kremlin. Easy and cheap. The Kremlin sits on Red Square, as does St Basil’s as well as many other lovely buildings. We walked through the complex, around the complex, and through the complex from the other side. We got to see a real live Communist Party rally as we walked and walked and walked. Lunchtime arrived and found us smack dab in front of McDonalds. All that yummy food in Moscow, and we ate burgers. Sad, isn’t it?

After lunch we walked down to the Moscow River which flows right through town and took a boat ride. This kept the children awake and did not require us to walk. We were afraid to go to our room, as the kids would fall asleep and be up all night again. They loved the boat ride as did we. I highly recommend it if you tucker out while sightseeing Moscow.

So, I think that fills in the details and takes us up to the glorious night of ten hours of sleep. Ten Hours. You can’t imagine how delicious that was. Monday morning we had open, but we were too tired to sightsee, too tired even to visit a LUSH store. We were very happy to find that the Ukraine offered a free buffet breakfast. Andy ate and ate and ate. He loves raw veggies: cucs, lettuce, tomatoes, peppers. Yum yum. We are still astonished at his capacity.

We then took turns amusing the children on the lawn and shopping for souveniers in the gift store. Contrary to expectations, the prices in the snazzy hotel were as good as, or better than what we found Khabarovsk.

At 1:30 Andrie picked us all up in his compact car. All. That is Jamie and I and Andy and Juliana and Y and A and their 7 yr old and their infant. We were nine in a car that seats four. To relieve us of our discomfort as soon as possible, Andrei drove double speed. Somehow this did not help us relax.

The embassy process was relatively quick and painless. We arrived, took numbers, paid our fees (they take credit cards, btw), and were sworn in en masse. There were about ten families there. Each family was called up to the window to confirm all the documents and spelling. We then waited while the visas were printed and affixed to the children’s passports, which were promptly returned to us along with the sacred “DO NOT OPEN” packet that we hand to immigration when we arrive in Chicago. If it is opened, the whole family has to return to Moscow. We will not open it.

After the embassy we doodled about and then ate dinner at the hotel buffet. It was not as good as the breakfast buffet, but kids were free and adults were cheap, so it worked for us. Then we bribed the children with the promise of bath and a movie which allowed us to pack in relative peace.

I was so worried that we would fail to wake up on time for our flight that I didn't sleep. Everyone else woke up at 3:45 a.m. and at 4:17 we in the car; Jamie and I even got showers.

The Zurich flight on Swiss Air was wonderful. Clean. Short. Free Chocolate. Good Food. On arrival here we found the children's play area of which my cousin Jenny had told me. More on that in the next post.

Thank you to those who reminded me that the Russia Passports are keepers. Of course. I am so focused on getting home that I spoke of no longer needing them in those terms.

Blog stuff – Suz I can’t post on your blog as I updated and you are set to receive Blogger IDs only. If you set to accept others I can put in my two cents worth again. I had a nice borschty post for you and it wouldn’t go through.

Everyone on my Families in Waiting blogroll got a Zurich click.

edited to add this pic of Juliana's preferred sleeping position since Swiss Air would not let us make beds for the children at our feet.

Crying and Whining! Me, that is, not the children.

2006-09-17T21:03:00.001-07:00

Posting from: Ukraine Hotel,Moscow

Russia

Local time at writing: 9:45 am Sunday September 17
Local time at posting: 8:00 am Monday September 18
Weather: Perfect - clear, warm, light breeze

Ai Yi Yi!

Or as Juliana would say, “Oy!”

It was a dreadful flight. Though there is much to be thankful for, -- Andy and Juliana and I got bulkhead seating so Andy didn’t kick anyone the whole flight, and there were no screaming meltdowns – we didn’t get to sit with Jamie and the bathrooms were vile. Vile is the nicest word I can think of. So vile that I waited the whole nine hour flight. The kids could not, so we held Juliana up in the air above the toilet and hoped for the best.

We did finally arrive in Moscow and were met by Andrei who transported us to our hotel. We were thinking, “okay, feed the kids, baths, and bed” as it was midnight on kid time. Nope! Paperwork with Andrei time. Have I mentioned that Andy is a bit hyper in new situations? He is. And this was new. So there we were, trying to do paperwork with two children bouncing off the walls and we didn’t dare lay down the heavy hand of the law as these same two children had no naps and were up way too late and had not eaten and a Screaming Fit was in the making. So, we get through the paperwork. Food, Baths, Bed? Nope. The next delay was well worth it and we are grateful, as usually one has to get up really early to see the Embassy clinic doctors before applying for the children’s visas. I suppose since we arrived on the weekend and have Monday embassy appointments, we got to have a housecall. I really don’t know why; I didn’t expect it.

As we couldn’t leave the room because the doctor is coming, we ordered some food up from room service and tried to feed the nearly melting children who each ate three small bites before Doc arrived and got them all excited again. Doc left. Meals were abandoned. Baths were had. Children were in pjs. Children were asleep by 10:00 pm Moscow time (6 am kid time). Happiness. Sleep. Pillows.

Boing! Andy woke up at 2:00 am and I spent the rest of the night making him stay in bed and lay down and be quiet and stay in bed and be quiet and no it’s not morning, hush, stay in bed, no, don’t get up, no, you just peed 10 seconds ago and stay in bed. By 5:30 I was crying and made Jamie wake up and do the next shift. At 7:30 J and the munchkins left so I could sleep. At 7:31 toddlers upstairs woke up and started their laps.

Today we hope to see some of Moscow if no one melts down. I think I am the leading candidate. Poor Jamie. I did do the whole flight of kid-care and most of the paperwork, and the night shift. I think that entitles me to a bit of wobbliness, don’t you?

On a perky note, there are five LUSH stores in Moscow!!

The Ukraine Hotel is huge and rather pretty in an old architecture sort of way. It needs a bit of paint and TLC here and there, but it is more then adequate for our needs. Cots cost extra and cribs are free, so both kids are in cribs.

Why the lag between writing and posting? We left the hotel yesterday morning and walked the city ALL DAY. We wore our poor kids out until they wobbled. They slept a solid ten hours, as did we last night, so it was worth it.

may I brag a bit?

2006-09-15T04:37:00.000-07:00

We had a potluck at our place tonight with the other AIA couples here and Andy and Juliana did great. They did not go beserk and Andy complied with a quick time-in with Mom and they looked after the visiting toddlers and all was well. We are very proud parents tonight.

Counting the hours

2006-09-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

Posting from: MarKuel, Khabarovsk, Russia
Local time: 2:45 pm, Friday, September 15, 2006
Weather: Perfect. Warm sun, light cool breeze, no mosquitos.

We are packing! Joyfully gratefully merrily packing! 24 hours from now we will be at the airport and I don’t care how long or cramped or bumpy the flight is, we won’t be in this flat. It is a Domodedovo flight, but our tickets say El Al. We are still puzzling over this. There is a huge “Jewish Autonomous Region” near Khabarovsk, so that may be the connection.

This morning we hiked over to the Children’s Mart yet again and bought some hand puppets and little cars and tiny hair toys and marveled at our children’s good behavior. Jamie and I have been very consistently crabby when the children whine for stuff and we often take away something, figuring that the privilege of whining should cost something. This paid off when we were at the store as they figured that the puppets in Mama’s basket were worth more than the joy of wheedling. This is especially hard for Andy and we notice and appreciate his hard work.

On our way home our driver (running ahead of schedule) passed us on the road and whisked Jamie away to the passport office. He came back bearing two lovely red passports which means that we are now free to go.

In case you are wondering why we are dawdling here in Khabarovsk, here is a recap. Though court was on Aug 31, the decree did not finalize until the 12^th of September. We were then able to use the decree to acquire amended birth certificates. The birth certificates were necessary in order to acquire passports. The passports are necessary in order to travel to Moscow. We have to go to Moscow in order to get Visas in said passports so that we can travel to the U.S. As soon as we land in the US, the children are US citizens, and the red passports and the visas within are no longer needed.

Don’t look for another blog until Sunday, which is Saturday US time. We will be in transit all day on our Saturday.

Another Great Day!

2006-09-13T22:08:00.001-07:00

Posting from: MarKuel, Khabarovsk, Russia
Local time: 3:15 pm, Thursday September 14, 2006
Weather: Perfect. Warm sun, cool breeze, no mosquitoes.

First, happy birthday to Jamie’s Dad. You can figure out which one he is.

Two excellent days in a row, if you don’t count the crash and burns of last night when many cards were lost and tears were shed. The cards are working beautifully.

Today Jamie got up with the kids and fixed them oatmeal and let me sleep in a bit. My hero.

Then we took our new shortcut (details at the end, worth reading if you are coming here) through the playpark where I brided them to pose for Mama and then to the tram and rode past Lenin Square and up to the train station, just for the ride.

At the train station we got off and took more cute pictures and then walked down to the Central Market, which is also known as the Chinese Market, though every Asian person we met there was from Vietnam. We bought the children some little wallets to keep their privilege cards and kopeks in, as well as some cute gloves, as the wind was chilling their fingers.

Right as we were about to enter the Amethyst Hotel for our first restaurant meal with the children, Andy started to express a lot of anxiety and worry about lunch arrangements. The Amethyst staff speaks English, so we just opened the door and the nice lady translated for me while I explained that he does not need to worry about meals as that is Mama’s job and I won’t forget my job. Then we walked into the restaurant and sat down. He was rather impressed.

It is really hard for him to rely on us; he is so accustomed to being self-reliant. Yesterday I took his precious toys that had come from the orphanage with him and tucked them into my apron pocket as his sister was moving in on them. He panicked and wept. We went downstairs for translation and I told him that I knew they were special and important and I was keeping them safe for him, just like I keep his baby photobook safe for him. He was visibly shocked and amazed. He had thought I was stealing them. From then on, he brings me his treasures to keep safe for him. Today he let Papa take his precious new wallet and look at his cards and kopeks and stayed calm the whole time, trusting that Papa would give it back. This is a big scary step for this boy who has had to take care of himself. The orphanage staff feed and housed him, but no one worried about the small treasures that mean so much to little kids.

So, the restaurant. We have to eat in restaurants in Moscow so we thought we had better practice. The Amethyst is small and we like the food and we are comfy there. Andy and Julinana did quite well especially in the areas we have been working on. Juliana did not wave her knife and fork around in the air above her head. Neither child got out of their seat. Juliana clicked her fork on her plate for more food only a few clinks before she remembered and said “Please Mama.” Nobody played fussy food games. We had cabbage rolls (we really like these), potatoes, pelemini soup, bread and cheese, salad, and blini. The waiter was visibly surprised at how much the children eat. We are still surprised, and we see it every day.

After lunch we walked through Lenin Square and got nicely wet when the wind carried the spray to us. We cajoled a passerby into taking this nice picture for us.

The short easy way to the tram: leave the MarKuel. Turn right and head. downhill. When you get to the bottom of the hill, turn left and walk uphill past the store with the green frontage. At the top of the hill you are at a busy street. Turn right. When you see the tram tracks you are getting close. Wisely and cautiously cross the street. Confirm that you are getting onto the right tram (use the map you bought at the Amethyst Hotel). Kids are free.

Andy and Juliana's Excellent Adventure

2006-09-12T20:34:00.001-07:00

Posting from: MarKuel, Khabarovsk, Russia
Local time: 1:45 pm, Wednesday September 13, 2006
Weather: Perfect. Warm sun, cool breeze, no mosquitos.

We have had a wonderful marvelous day and I am thanking God for the cards idea as A&J have completely absorbed the relationship between rebellion and loss. There is a lovely theological lesson here for us all.

Several times today I have seen each child move towards an unacceptable impulse and then pull themselves off it. On the few times we have had to take a card they have not rioted and when only one child gets a privilege the deprived one expresses sorrow, but not anger. In fact, yesterday we made a big step when Andy brought his sad feelings to Mama (yes the same Mama who had taken away the privilege) and was able to sit and cry quietly and receive comfort on her lap.

We got up at 7:30 to find their beds beautifully made and themselves nicely dressed in the clothes I had set out for them. We had breakfast and then went to the Children’s Store (DetskyMat) to buy hats, as the wind is often cold now-a-days. (Anyone coming soon? Bring gloves and a hat for everyone). From there we went up to the Blue Church and the children got to ride the little motorized scooters. They were thrilled to bits.

Onward ho! We walked down to the river and threw rocks into the water and ran in the sand and rejoiced. After a small snack, Mama pulled out the bubbles and we chased bubbles and admired how pretty they were floating in the breeze. Then we hiked up the long long staircase counting the steps in sets of ten in English. Andy can get up to 7 now without help, and Juliana can get to 4. At the top of the hill we whipped out the bouncy balls from Papa’s pack and played with them and another little child whose Mama quickly figured out our situation and then directly and without ado stared at us for a full five minutes. When we finally took our leave she blessed us with a big smile. I’m sure she is trying to reconcile what she saw in our family with what she learns from the media about the horrible Americans who adopted in Russia and subsequently hurt or killed their children. Wherever we go, we are the counterexamples to the stereotype perpetuated by these tragic cases.

We’ve decided that lunch is the meal which they can eat to the end of their appetites. Today we had bread and cheese and cucumbers and apples and when that was gone, pelemini. I think Andy ate about 20. He is definitely gaining as his lowest rib is no longer visible. By the way, the chicken fettucini was postponed to last night as I was barely functioning by dinner on the day Jamie was sick. I thought I’d make something easy that the kids would be sure to like: fish sticks. They hated them. Just hated them. The fettucini was a big hit though. Tonight it is cabbage rolls again.

Jamie is feeling much better and I am so happy to have him back on the team.

Our biggest happy news of the day is that our beloved kitty Parsley, who had apparently gone on a walkabout, returned home and is canoodling with our excellent house and pet sitters N&N. Here she is with her dog, Laurel.

Oh! You wanted Andy and Juliana pics? Not pet pics? Well, if you insist.

Only three more nights here . . .

Family Day

2006-09-11T22:52:00.001-07:00

Posting from: MarKuel, Khabarovsk, Russia
Local time: 4:11 pm, Tuesday September 12, 2006 – Family Day

Today the Chandler Family became official with the finalization of the adoption decree and the issue of amended birth certificates showing their additional names and naming Jamie and I as parents. Legally, we are finished, though I won’t truly relax until we clear customs in Chicago.

Yesterday was a really hard day. Jamie was flat on his back all day and the weather prevented outings and the children refined and polished their trouble-making skills. After crying and praying myself to sleep I woke up with a really useful idea. Each morning the children are issued tickets (drawn on index cards) good for the following privileges:

Chocolate wafer cookies with their post-nap yogurt
A sweetie after the dinner dishes are done
A bath
An outing
A video before bed - LeapPad's Letter Factory is the current favorite

When they chose defiant behavior, they have to surrender a card of my choosing. Ooops! Even as I typed this they snuck a forbidden item off our dresser and lost their sweetie-after-dinner.

Jamie is feeling a wee bit better, but not enough to really do much with the children.

When we were here last spring the director of the orphanage let us see some pictures from Andy’s other orphanage. Every time we were at the orphanage this time, I asked about the pics but they didn’t exist, had been given to the facilitator to give to us, or had never existed – depending on who I asked. Today I asked our facilitator again; she called and was told they had never existed. We went over there. The photo book is now in our possession.

Holding Therapy

2006-09-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

Posting from: MarKuel Hotel, Khabarovsk, Russia
Local Time of Writing: Naptime of course, 2:00 pm on Monday, September 11^th
Weather: A Blustery Day: cool, rainy, and windy

Thank you once again for your good advice, both here and in email. We are relentlessly firm, and that seems to help a lot. If the line in the sand doesn’t wiggle, it is not as interesting.

We’ve been using and having great success with Holding Therapy. This is what we do when someone is losing it (not used for mere Whaa-whaas, but for anger and raging – aka temper tantrums). Plop your raging child onto their belly over your lap so that the legs dangle over one side and the arms over the other. Plant your elbows on your kneecaps to hold your kiddo there (this also allows you to put your fingers in your ears if you wish). Let them express all their angry indignant feelings in whatever volume they wish (not that you could stop it anyway). Wait until their angry energies are spent. Your child will relax and you can rock your legs left and right and pet them; I start humming the soothing song about now. Juliana will stretch out her legs for the full head-to-toe pet. After awhile they will stir and you move them into a cuddle-on-the-lap position. If they have really been working hard they’ll be hot and flushed. I offer them a drink and ask them to wait while I go get it. This helps them transition back to child-as-onewho-obeys and Mama or Papa as trustworthy-meeters-of-needs. They wait, the drink arrives, they return to the cuddle lap. Both children want to have us hold the drink like one would for a baby. I’m sure if we had a bottle, they would take it. Now there are a lot of “I love you’s” exchanged, and loads of eye contact (tentative at first) and mutual patting. It is amazing. From five minutes to the next they go from raging to cooing.

Thank you to all of you who have affirmed what we were thinking, that letting it all out – as unpleasant as it is for us, the neighbors, and all the people within a six block radius – is a sign of trust.

On a related note, during the first few rages we heard a lot of “detsky dom; nyet Mama y Papa dom” (orphanage, not Mama and Papa’s home). We just waited till the quietness came and then gently said: “Nyet detsky dom; da Mama y Papa dom.” So, last night when Jamie and I were serving them their humongous dinner and gazing in awe at their capacity, I inadvertently used the word detsky dom in my sentence. Both children got real quiet and then Andy said gently, with a hint of inquiry: “Nyet detsky dom; da Mama y Papa dom.”

Speaking of dinner, tonight we are having chicken fettuccini, if I’m still alive that is. Jamie is down with a bad cold and I am flying solo today, a preview of what life will be like M-F. He has to be vertical for tomorrow’s visit to the Vital Statistics office and on Saturday for our trip to Moscow. It is unusual for him to be sick but we are so very sleep deprived. There have been wind storms the last few nights which sets the light fixtures on the exterior of the building ahummin’. The nights prior to that the soccer players upstairs practiced their floor thumping and door slamming skills until one or two in the morning – they are quite accomplished at both skills.

The children wake up on their own and make their beds beautifully and then come sit on the side of our bed and pat us, begging for their clothes. I had to take their clothes out of their room; who would have known that clothes were such attractive play things? Until I confiscated the clothes, they would avoid sleeping by assembling and reassembling their clothes piles.

I'm blogging all the challenges, but that is what we need advice and support on. Really though, 85% of our time is spent giggling and cooing and playing and being happy together. Today I taught them how to really build a fort (a malenky dom - little home) and then they peeked out from it while their bear and kitty danced and sang for them. Their joy and laughter was a balm.

Because Germie, I mean Jamie, is occupying our bedroom, which had become Juliana’s nap room, she is in her own bed and Andy is on the couch next to me with his blankie and books and of course Meshotka the bear (the little pillows and blankies are a big hit, Mom, thanks again). He delights in not having to go to sleep and with his guard down, he always does. So with him asleep, this is my big chance for a shower or a nap. Tough choice.

Khab tips of the day:

if you are coming to stay at the Markuel, especially with a child a bit older, the best playground is on the other side of the building that you look at as you exit the Markuel. From the Markuel doorstep, go downhill to walk around to the otherside of the building. The playground there has a really cool climbing castle.

bring an apron with pockets. Very useful both for cooking and for hiding contraband in (my Toblerone for example, or their forfeit toys).

All the news that's fit to print

2006-09-10T02:47:00.000-07:00

Posting from: MarKuel Hotel, Khabarovsk, Russia
Local Time of Writing: Naptime of course, 3:30 pm on Sunday, September 10^th
Local Time of Posting: 8:30 pm, same day
Weather: A Blustery Day: cool and windy – anti-mosquito weather

First, Happy Birthday to my Sister Christy (she's the pretty one on the left).

Second, you may have to click on this picture to realize its significance, but I nearly fell over when I saw this item in the yard next to us. If you know me in real life, you'll know that I have two stores that claim my loyality: LUSH and __ __ __ __.

Third, I think all the losses yesterday made quite an impression! Last night they were so well-behaved they got both the ice-cream and the movie. We had had to forfeit those every single evening prior. In addition, they went to bed with only one "PeeSiet" break and today have been quite nicely behaved.

We have had trouble with their clothes fitting - everything is too big. We brought size 2T and 3T for Juliana and everything is huge. We are seriously doubting that she is 5 years old. She looks and acts like a 3 year old. Andy's clothes fit a little better, but his size 6 jeans fall off of him and we have no belt (we've been using bungee cords). On today's outing we bought her a belt (couldn't find one for him) and him some jeans that fit (size 5). They were thrilled.

It is cold and windy today, so we took a cab. Juliana got all quiet and scared-looking again. She was very withdrawn and, though easy to manage, spookily quiet. On the way home, near our flat, I swear I heard Andy say "Juliana, blah blah nyet detskydom, Mama y Papa dom." as in "Juliana, we are not going back to the orphanage, we are going back to Mama and Papa's house." She brightened up right away. This breaks our hearts.

Thank you so much for your excellent and thoughtful advice and your encouraging words. We have completely changed naptime and it works so much better. Right after lunch, we talk about the plans: Spat (sleep); Yougurt and Chocolate cookies; Park Gulache (play park outing); Dinner. Andy double confirms the chocolate cookies for good behavior. Then he does the dishes (yes, alone; he hums as he washes and seems very happy), and Juliana and Mama or Papa go lie down in Mama and Papa's room. She wails and carrys-on because he is doing something else (she has a rigid need for everything to be the same between the two of them), but then she quiets down and plays with her kitty-lovie and goes to sleep. Andy gets quiet toys and books in his room and may sit or lie down on his bed, but not stand or walk about. If he runs about he loses the books and toys and the chocolate cookies. He is not required to sleep, but only to be very very quiet. He's sleeping as I type, as are Papa and Juliana.

They are shockingly well-behaved in stores. We expected mayhem, but I think they are so in awe of Papa's power to buy things that they don't dare cross him. On today's outing he bought them juice and animal crackers and they were very very impressed.

Other tidbits

Now and again we forget to pray before our meal; Andy always remembers (breakfast, lunch, and dinner) and twice has volunteered to pray; we have a book about Christmas and he recognizes the story.
Tonight for dinner we are having Pelemini and Green Salad (which they love) and Bread and IceCream. They spread their banana ice-cream on their rye bread and declare that it is "Yummy". Whatever gets more bread in them is fine by me.
Andy and I played Memory during yesterday's Quiet Time. I didn't cut him any slack and he nearly won. He has a very quick mind.
Two bully girls were giving Juliana a hard time at the playground yesterday. She, half their height and out-numbered, stood her ground. Andy saw this going down from afar and blasted himself to her side. He stepped between them and shouted "NielZha blahblah Sistra" (Don't touch blahblah sister!). That was the end of the encounter as I had arrived and we headed home.
We have not found the end of their appetites. They will eat until the food is all gone. We are a little afraid to let them gorge, so we don't just keep supplying it. For breakfast they each ate a big bowl of hot kasha with milk and blueberries, a half an apple, a half a banana, a yogurt, a glass of juice, and a slice of bread with jam. For lunch, a big bowl of noodle soup, a half an apple, 3 little pickles, 3-4 little slices of bread with cheese on top, and juice. Jamie and I are not eating enough as we keep giving them food off our plates. No matter how much I cook in order to have extra, there is no extra.
On Tuesday the 12th at 10:15 we will pick up the adoption decree and the updated birth certificates (they include our names and the children's additional names). The birth certificates allow us to apply for their Russian passport.

In news from the home-front, we got Holly's biopsy report back. She does not have the nasty aggressive sort, neither does she have the no-worries sort; she has the inbetween sort. So we will do an ultrasound when we get home and see if it has spread at all. If so, we'll be looking at chemotherapy. Poor girl. Jamie and I are both very homesick for our furbabies and beautiful view of mountains and meadows and our lovely home and our friends and family. We called our folks today (we got to talk to one set and the other set was a busy signal), so that helped a little. I usually talk to my parents at least every other day, so this is a hard go for me.

Advice needed

2006-09-08T21:04:00.001-07:00

Posting from: MarKuel
Local time: NAPTIME! Aka 1:30 pm Saturday, September 9, 2006
Weather: Overcast and muggy; mosquito weather.

Well let’s see, what shall we report today? Last night for dinner we had broiled salmon and mashed potatoes and salad. Fascinating, I know. Tonight we are having cabbage rolls and bread and boiled potatoes with parsley. I’ve not much else to blog about as the children have spent most of the day in tears and lamentations because they have mean parents who do not tolerate sassy looks and stubborn refusals and blatant disobediences. Today we have had two raging temper tantrums and one canceled outing and one canceled playground time and one prematurely terminated playground time and one trip to the translator to discuss the relationship between ugly defiant behavior and loss of outings/playground time (see pic).

On the happy news side, Andy loves to do the dishes while Juliana wipes and puts away the mats and wipes down the table. That’s about it for the happy news side for today.

Other than the raging temper tantrums, the hardest thing for Jamie and I is living in a flat. We are getting cabin fever right at the time when the children are testing their limits, which means our outings have to be short and sweet and close to home in case we need to retreat; running away in defiance is one thing in the flat and another thing altogether on a city sidewalk.

So, my question of the day is: When your little ones are avoiding nap time by crying wolf with potty needs, what do you do? They are up every five minutes contributing 7 drops to the toilet, yet can go for hours during non-nap intervals. Do you just say no? Do you use a timer and limit one potty break per interval? When one goes, the other has to too and it becomes a big event. Your sage advice is requested.

Haircuts and Outings

2006-09-07T22:58:00.002-07:00

Posting from: MarKuel
Local time: NAPTIME! Aka 3:30 pm Friday September 8, 2006
Weather: Clear and warm.

Yesterday’s outing went really really well. We started at the haircut place and Andy got a very sharp looking haircut which we both prefer over the bowl cut he was sporting. We got the passport pictures taken there too, which for some reason terrified Juliana. She did not cry out or fight, but drew herself in and turned icy pale and cold. Some old association apparently.

When we got back into the van she perked up a bit, and by the time we got to the BIG grocery store, she was back to her dynamic self. The store was, of course, full of delights and temptations and they of course asked for everything, but they took their “nyets” pretty well and delighted in the sheer mass of food we were accumulating. We filled both of their children’s carts and Papa’s hand-basket. We’ve been buying our groceries at the convenience store near the flat, but the prices are higher and the selection is very limited – just like at home. At the big store, we loaded up on fresh produce and meat and coffee. When we got home they were elated to help us unpack and every now and then I find them in the kitchen admiring the hoard.

On the way to the store, they explained to our lovely translator that Papa has all the money in the family, so he is better to shop with. I pointed out that I don’t need money, as I have Papa. Yes, they replied, Papa has money and Papa has Mama to spend it for him. So, they have figured that our right quick.

Dinner last night was an omelette with cheese and bacon, fried potatoes, toast, grapes, and cucumbers. They ate huge portions and begged for more. I bought them off with fruit crumble.

Today we took a cab up to Lenin Square (100-150 rubles is the normal price, though some have tried to ask for 200 – we just say Nyet and walk away). The children loved the fountain, which was in full flow, and the pigeons. Other families were feeding the birds and A&J were not the least bit shy about barging into their crumb bag. They see all things as communal. Later we had to fish them out of the handbag of the lady seated on the bench next to us. So, we have some work to do on boundaries.

We rode the tram home which drops us off about 6 blocks from home. Six blocks is a long way with hungry tired children, but it is downhill (which is why we cab out and tram in). Lunch was cucumbers, apples, miso, cheese, bread, and (ack) hotdogs. Yes, in a mere three days I’ve become a hotdog mom.

Andy has a loose tooth and was thrilled to hear about the tooth fairy. Apparently, the tooth fairy doesn’t visit the detskydom, so he is pretty excited about this.

Names

Someone in Remarks asked about names. We added, to their Russian names, names that have meaning to our family.

Jamie’s middle name is Drew, which shows up in Andrew. We also added the name of Jamie’s late brother Daniel. So Andy is actually Andrew RussianName Daniel FamilyName.

My beloved cousin is named Julie, which we morphed into Juliana. So we have Juliana RussianName FamilyName. I’m not telling the Russian names as I don’t want to blog anything that the Russian officials may see as private until the decree is finalized. Juliana’s Russian Name also has a family connection too, so that is nice.

They are not at all opposed to their additional names. We use all four at random. I bet that eventually their Russian names become their private family names, names of endearment, and their American names are their public names. By adding to, not replacing names, they have the option of using whatever they prefer when they are adults.

They haven’t a clue about the Family Name. That can wait.

Tidbits yet again

2006-09-06T20:02:00.000-07:00

Posting from: Khabarovsk
Local time: 1:45 pm on Thursday, September 7
Weather: clear and warm

While the children nap, I'll address a few questions and comments from the Remarks section and from my email box.

Yes, I made the borsht -- I practiced before we left home. The pelemini is in the frozen food case at the store. I have no idea what flavor we ate.
They seem to be getting a clue about the future. Andy has started to show interest in the picture book and last night was showing Juliana their future beds.
They are usually very nice to each other, sharing and helping. Andy does enjoy teasing her more than I would like, but I am rather teasing-intolerant in general.
We figured out that the problem with the borsht is that zupa (soup) is a lunch item and we had tried to serve it at dinner. When we served it at lunch time, it was a hit. Today we had miso, which Andy loved and Juliana hated. I have the fixings for chicken soup for tomorrow.
They answer to their new names, but when meeting new people they introduce themselves with their old names.
Though they love the bath they both burst into tears, recoil, and whimper when I pick up the spray. I set the sprayer on low and the temperature on warm and they very slowly and tremulously test it. When they confirm it is okay, we spray. Each and every time, though, they are afraid of it at first. Poor tykes. I do love it that they are willing to trust me enough to try it. I’ll know we are making good progress when they don’t have to test it each time.
Eating: they eat a lot and are thrilled to be able to get second/thirds. Andy is really thin and has virtually no muscles, so we are pleased to see him clean his plate 2-3 times a meal. They usually will pour some of their drinking water into their yogurt cup or soup bowl in order to get the last drops.
Language: All this is language that we’ve learned in less than 48 hours. Imagine how much we will have by the time we come home!

Words they use now: Please, thank you, more please, I love you, good afternoon, mama, papa, okay.
Words we use that they understand, but don’t yet say: socks, shoes, kitty, give to mama/papa, come to mama/papa, pajamas, pillow, sit, don’t touch, bed, sleep, stop, yes, no, good boy, good girl, hurry, pick up your toys, time for breakfast/lunch/snack/dinner, make your bed (they did this without being asked this morning J), clear the table, leave the kitchen, take a bath, bubbles, it’s okay, no.
We recognize the Russian words for: bath, walk, give, hungry, pillow, teeth (they love to brush them, btw), shoes, small, mouse, dog, cat, cereal/rice, juice, poo and pee.

A few observations for those of you adopting older children.

The first day was really hard, but life is steadily improving. Everything has just changed for these guys and they have no way of knowing whether or not behavior expectations are included in this change. When they started to see discipline (we are using TakeAway) their behavior improved a lot.
If you are debating between one child or two, here are some thoughts about two. We think it is much easier on them and on us too, as they have a playmate and an ally. Though not biologically related, they have been living as siblings in their group all along, and the transition is natural. If you are considering two, I would suggest that asking for two from one group may be more significant than asking for two with shared genes.
Don’t forget forts. Any living room can be transformed into a fort to their endless delight and amusement. Forts, as you may recall, have to be built and rebuilt a zillion times and will keep your children happily occupied for hours.

Our cool thing of the day: Andy asked us how to say something in English. This was the first time he has made a move to adapt his communication to us. Prior to this, everything was just repeated with hyper-clear enunciation. I think he has decided that we are too dumb to ever understand Russian, so he may have to resort to English.

So much better

2006-09-06T03:26:00.000-07:00

Posting from: MarKuel, Khabarovsk
Local Time: 9:17 pm Wednesday September 6th

We had a lovely dinner. We held hands and Papa prayed and everyone ate everything that was served and politely asked for more. Nobody played with the silverwear in their water. We had pelemini, rice, green salad, and cucumber slices, and berry cobbler. They especially loved the berry cobbler.

After dinner they cleared the table and wiped it off. Then we had playtime, a very bubbly splashy bath complete with dinosaurs, and finally VegieTales Lord of the Beans. They've been in bed for fifteen whole minutes without any noise above a whisper. This all is in sharp contrast to last night when dinner was a circus and we went down hill from there. Mama and Papa have gotten much better at their "take-away" discipline strategy. If we have to say it twice something goes away. This has improved their listening skills immensely. It is also amazing how much Russian we have learned.

Seventeen minutes. I'm beginning to believe it.

Tomorrow we will go get a haircut for Andy and get their passport photos taken and go to the big market. Three things in one outing. Yikes.

a few more tidbits

2006-09-05T22:41:00.000-07:00

I am quite sure that my days of long well-thought-out posts laden with pictures are a thing of the past.

The backpacks are the favorite toys.
Going down for naps was much better than going to bed was last night.
They ask for baths at every opportunity.
The borsht that they hated at dinner they ate for lunch!
The yogurt here is super yummy.
They can't get enough of the fresh fruit and vegetables.
Juliana sings to herself all the time.

We play a little game where one assumes the identity of another by wearing their shoes. Jamie and I tiptoe around in the children's shoes and they become Mama y Papa. So, "Mama" Juliana heads out of the room in my flip-flops and I say "PaKah Mama" (Bye bye Mama). She says over her shoulder "PaKah DoichKah" (Bye Bye Daughter). This is the first indication we have had that she understands the relationship as opposed to merely the names.

Wow. A whole paragraph in one sitting.

First Day

2006-09-05T16:29:00.004-07:00

Wow. Here are a few tidbits from our new life.

They LOVE LOVE LOVE the bath. We've had two long long baths already.

We had a really really hard time getting settled for bed. Too exciting. Too different. So we have some very grouchy sleepy children this morning and we are counting on good solid naps this afternoon.

Time for a Gulache, which we finally figured means a walk. Alas, they have packed all their booty into their backpacks and apparently expect to take them on the walk too.

They hated the borsht and loved the oatmeal.

More later. Maybe,

One Hour . . .

2006-09-04T20:33:00.003-07:00

Posting from: MarKuel, Khabarovsk
Local time: 3:45 pm on Tuesday September 5
Weather: Clear and pleasant, slight cool breeze

In one hour we will go pick up the children. In one hour, our lives as will change forever. We are both far more nervous than we were in the hour before our wedding.

Yesterday's visit went well. We arrived right after nap time which is "open play" time. Juliana played dress-ups with her little friend E (the only other girl) and Andy played Sequence for Kids! with us. He learned quickly, but enjoyed winning much more than losing. Imagine that.

For our first family meal tonight, I have borscht and roast chicken, and potatoes, and tomato and cucumber salad. We found some wild mountain blueberries being sold at the tram stop and some blini at the market. I'll serve blini with sourcream and blueberries for dessert.

Which reminds me, that which I've been calling a trolley, they call a tram. If you are coming to Khab, you'll want to know that the ONLY good map of the city that we have found is sold at the Amethyst and it includes the tram lines. Just don't go looking for the trolley lines, as that is something else. The tram runs from near the MarKuel to the Central Market (by the Amethyst), so it is very handy.

_____________________
edited to add pics of the farewell party: