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Saturday, December 30, 2006

and more on the candy theme

Just to clarify, and in response to a few emails and comments:

I started out moving the candy from their bags into a little pile for me, but they decided that I was really just interested in acquiring their candy for personal gain, so I rerouted it into the bag of the sibling.

Prior to the candy incentive, Juliana would 'help' by reminding him, which really didn't help, as it was just another external monitor. Under the new deal, she has a selfish reason to not help him, which, in the long run, actually helps him. He has so radically upped his ability to self-monitor, that he actually loses very few pieces to his sis. She has lost about the same number to him (fingers-in-plate is her pet foible), so it evens out.

I do appreciate your cautions about setting them against each other and I move very carefully in this regard.

3 comments:

Lea said...

Very good; my husband thought this was a very clever idea also. We will definitely keep it in mind for future use.

kate said...

Wishing you and your family all joy in 2007!

Anonymous said...

Hi, Suzanne! I really appreciate your honesty in sharing your journey with your children. There's so much I can relate to!
Just as a suggestion . . . IF you feel like having the candy going to the other sib is becoming a problem, you can always start a bag to give to Grandpa, or Auntie--or even to donate to the Salvation Army! (who really cares what they do with it--the point is the consequence of losing it).
Each parent has to know their kid(s) and do what works for them, and what works for one doesn't always work for the other. ! When we first adopted our daughter, she was very neat, but within weeks disinigrated into a slob at meal times--wiping face on whichever spot of clothes was handiest, spilling food all down the front of her dress etc. Talking didn't do diddly-squat, but one time with a bib (very matter of factly handled) cleaned her up amazingly. You are SO right about there being no internal monitor . . . and it's hard work to get one installed at this late date! However, with love and patience and firmness and time, I believe it's possible.
God bless!
happymom4