Ketchup and Peanut Butter have saved my sanity.
Because the discipline in the children’s previous life was so harsh, it has been quite a challenge to come up with strategies that are motivating to the children.
Little chair?
No sweat.
Swat?
No biggie.
Loss of toys?
Oh well.
Spoonful of ketchup?
Oh NO! Anything but that!
About two weeks ago Andy appeared to have decided that there was nothing that we would throw at him that he could not handle, and all sorts of mischief ensued. The most startling was persistent and dramatic chewing-with-mouth-wide open. He never used to do this and was now doing it all the time. We would remind him and he would say okay and then do it again the very next bite. It was looking deliberate. Then ketchup occurred to me.
“Andy, would you like a spoonful of ketchup?”
“No, thank you! Ick!”
“Next time I see your food as you chew, I’ll bring you a spoonful.”
(mouth snaps shut for chewing and remains closed)
For Juliana, peanut butter does the same job. I have a friend who uses vinegar.
This morning I saw Andy lift his arm to hit his sister and then stop.
“Andy, what helped you remember to not hit?”
“I don’t want ketchup.”
So, Andy and I were driving in to see my Dad the other day and we were talking about the ketchup and how good it has been at helping Andy remember. He wanted to know if Grandpa knew about the ketchup. Yes. Andy did not like this. He fussed about it quite a bit.
“I’m angry you told Grandpa my secrets.” he said.
“Are you angry that I told him about the ketchup? Or that I told him that you had not-nice behavior?”
“Not-nice behavior.”
“Are you afraid that Grandpa won’t like you if he knows about your not-nice behavior?”
“Yes.”
I pull the car over.
“Andy, this is what is so cool about having a family. Families can know all your nice parts and all your not nice parts and still love you. Grandpa knows all my nice parts and all my not nice parts and he still loves me. That’s what families do. It’s really lovely.”
“Oh.”
“That’s what Jesus does too. He loves us even though we have nice parts and not nice parts. He’s part of our family.”
“Oh”
“Did you know that families love that way?”
“No”
“So Grandpa can know about your good days and about your bad days and he just loves you big time.”
(quiet)
“What do you think?”
“It’s okay to tell Grandpa.”
7 comments:
Suzanne, I am in awe at how well you are doing at the Mom thing!
I LOVE that idea for the ketchup and peanut butter, it's something they dislike, but not bad for them at all.
Now, the vinegar - I'm afraid of that one. My husband's aunt had a urinary tract infection last year and had heard that an at home remedy is to drink some cider vinegar. Well, just as she was drinking the vinegar, she hiccupped or something and she choked on the vinegar. It went into her lungs and burned them very severely. Two days later she died. It was such a tragic way to die. Any time I hear of someone drinking vinegar I tell them this story, it sounds so simple and unreal, but it's true. Please tell your friend.
Peanut butter and ketchup are a part of my four foods that can be added to anything (the other two being chocolate and cheese). Glad to know they have other benefits!
Enjoyed reading your "strangenesses" on my blog. I'd love to know about the novel you mentioned...
That is awesome!!! I wish we could find something like that to help solve behavioral issues with the bwins. We are having trouble with finding something that works too. We don't have an out with food, they love everything. We've not found anything they don't like. Maybe we'll keep searching. Thanks for the idea.
Hey Suzanne-
I know you love to read....
Have you read any of the "Love and Logic" books? They are really fabulous, are recommended in "Adopting the Hurt Child", and I just really love all their products. I've bought several. They even have adoption products. I have books, CD's, you name it.
Best wishes
You are one inventive lady when it comes to discipline. We may be calling you for some ideas someday ;). Good on ya, mate!
What an ingenious idea. I'm saving this one for future use.
I love the ketchup and peanut butter ideas, too.
More than that, I love that you were able to have such a valuable discussion about unconditional love. It's often difficult for me to grasp that concept as an adult. We really need to teach it to our kids. Good job!!!
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