and more on the candy theme

Just to clarify, and in response to a few emails and comments:

I started out moving the candy from their bags into a little pile for me, but they decided that I was really just interested in acquiring their candy for personal gain, so I rerouted it into the bag of the sibling.

Prior to the candy incentive, Juliana would 'help' by reminding him, which really didn't help, as it was just another external monitor. Under the new deal, she has a selfish reason to not help him, which, in the long run, actually helps him. He has so radically upped his ability to self-monitor, that he actually loses very few pieces to his sis. She has lost about the same number to him (fingers-in-plate is her pet foible), so it evens out.

I do appreciate your cautions about setting them against each other and I move very carefully in this regard.

The New Deal

So, I know I may be a bit stricter than most, but it is really important to me that our children have decent table manners. Their previous care-giver felt the same apparently, as the children tell us that she constantly reminded them to hold their forks nicely. Well, I am tired of constantly reminding and would like for the kids to remember this -- and a few other things (swallow before talking, keep your fingers out of your plate) -- on their own.

Christmas brought us a lot of candy which has been stashed into labeled ziplock bags and dispensed in wee portions. The bags have joined us at the table and are wonderful. Each time someone slips in one of the three key areas, one of their pieces of candy leaves their bag and arrives in their sibling's bag. It is amazing. Andy used to need umpteen fork reminders per meal; tonight he needed none.

I think that helping Andy build an internal monitor of behavior is one of the hardest parts. He has before never needed internal control, as his previous environment provided plenty of external control. He frankly states that he shouldn't have to remember things as that is my job to remind him. When candy is on the line, however, he gets motivated.

Found Gum

(this is an old post that somehow got saved as a draft rather than actually posted. I'll post it now as I have nothing else to say on this blog. All my energies are with my Dad right now.)

Someone with whom I share a home, the same someone that I usually call my Gift From a Generous God, does have one flaw. He chews gum. I hate gum. I hate finding it in the washer and even more hate finding it in the dryer. I hate finding it on the furniture and I hate finding it on our shoes. I really hate finding it in our son's mouth when I know darn well that no-one has given our son a stick of gum, but that instead he has found it somewhere.

At least I know that today's gum had only been in my hubby's mouth prior to Andy's; unlike the time in the Moscow airport when we both realized that he was chewing, and we had not given. EWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.